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Full text of "The Pig Paper #12"

SA11 Selec- 
tions Writ- 
T ten, Arranged 
and Produced 
m ~ by GARY PIG 

Y G0LD in PIG 
Studios, Port 

Credit. Mistress 
Of External Aff- 
airs: CINDY PIG. 
Entire Contents 
of PIG PAPER #12 
Copyright© March 
1980 by PIG PRO- 
DUCTIONS. All 
Rights Resurfed. 




mm:m. mv:-vn 

*f nlTi ■■ 



"Why no review of 
our latest in PP 
11 ? I wear ties 
on stage now, you 
know. . ." 

-Robert Plant 

"There is hope 
for rock'n'roll 
journalism. For 
rock'n'roll it- 
self! My thanks 
for bringing back 
THE PIG PAPER. 
See you on The 
Dinah Shore Show" 
-Lester Bangs 

"Why don't you 
ever write about 
big local stars 
like Martha And 
The Muffins?" 

-Martha 

"I detest new 
wave too, but its 
THE PIG PAPER 
that should be 
shot and shat 
upon. PS: So 
what's so bad 
about clogs?" 
-Colonel Parker 

"Do you think I 'm 
too old for my 
audience to iden- 
tify with?" 

-Bob Segarini 

"I'm a record 
producer now, you 
know.. ." 

-Declan McManus 

"Expect to he 
lucky enough to 
hit at the retar- 
dent performances 
of each band. 
Most interviews 
in R&R now are 
real boring. You 
can be too seri- 
ous or just silly 
but mostly boring 
I only wanted" 
-Colin Brunton 



PIG-J2 

The previous issue (#11), des- 
pite its horrifying shrinkage 
size-wise, sold like the pro- 
verbial hot-cakes; actually 
turning a PROFIT (thought I'd 
forgot how to spell that) with- 
in One Month of release! Conse- 
quently, by way of Thanks (and 
an ever-escalating GREED for 
Cash and Stardom), here is PIG 
PAPER 12. Same tiny road-map 
format, but an Extra EIGHT 
(count'em!) pages and a spot of 
colour on the cover. Almost 
like the halycon daze of PIG 10 
eh? Content-wise, you'll be 
pleased to find the same witty 
acidic nostalgic ramblings (a/ 
k/a Bullshit), starring, as 
part of my continuing series 
spotlighting Pop Gods, the 
immoral JOHN LENNON. Yes, JOHN 
LENNON! What more could you^^ 
possibly want ? ^GfttfftfSMX) 

Pl£^ f^ 1 70 COTTON DRIVE. MISS I SSAUG A 
■ IVJ VMiI e ONTARIO. CANADA. L5G IZ9 

PS: The rebirth of PIG has 
brought, by mail, telephone, 
and foot (remember: Visiting 
hours at the sty are Weekdays 
Only, 1 to 4 A.M. Knock loud 
though - I may have the head- 
phones on) a veritable Deluge 
of requests for Back Issues, 
So, until I get around to pub- 
lishing THE BEST OF PIG (a 
regular-size edition... yeah, 
just like CIRCUS!), here's the 
deal: PIG PAPER 11 (debut of 
POCKET PIG) is Sold Out, and I 
mean GONE. So are PPs 1 and 2 
(the infamous pre-punk issues) 
plus numbers 4,5,7,8, PIGSHEETs 
10-C through F, and the first 
PIG Record. Still available 
(complete with Collectors 
Prices!) are PIG PAPER 10 (gala 
DCS ish) $2.50 each (only two 
dozen left, y'see), PIGSHEET 
10-A (all about The Diodes - I 
guess that's why it didn't 
sell) and 10-B: $1.00 each, 
PIG PAPER 9 (with Johnny Rot 
Ten interview) (yes, it's a 
REAL interview): $2.00 each, 
PIG PAPER 6 (where were You in 
October 1977?): $3.50 each 
(only ONE dozen left), and PIG 
PAPER 3 (a real kollectors' 
item!): $1 .00 each, (and a 
word of warning to whoever 's 
bootlegging issues 7 and 8: 
you could've at least used a 
better photocopier!) Costs 
Too M uch (in the words of 
"Amusement Parks USA") you 
say? Well, try to keep in 
mind that stamps and envelopes 
are included (plus remember: 
I get at least $5.00 an issue 
when I hock 'em at rock con- 
ventions, so QUIT COMPLAINING!) 



ttfmmmmmmmmmw 




SA11 Selec- 
tions Writ- 
T ten, Arranged 
and Produced 
m ~ by GARY PIG 

Y G0LD in PIG 
Studios, Port 

Credit. Mistress 
Of External Aff- 
airs: CINDY PIG. 
Entire Contents 
of PIG PAPER #12 
Copyright© March 
1980 by PIG PRO- 
DUCTIONS. All 
Rights Resurfed. 




mm:m. mv:-vn 

*f nlTi ■■ 



"Why no review of 
our latest in PP 
11 ? I wear ties 
on stage now, you 
know. . ." 

-Robert Plant 

"There is hope 
for rock'n'roll 
journalism. For 
rock'n'roll it- 
self! My thanks 
for bringing back 
THE PIG PAPER. 
See you on The 
Dinah Shore Show" 
-Lester Bangs 

"Why don't you 
ever write about 
big local stars 
like Martha And 
The Muffins?" 

-Martha 

"I detest new 
wave too, but its 
THE PIG PAPER 
that should be 
shot and shat 
upon. PS: So 
what's so bad 
about clogs?" 
-Colonel Parker 

"Do you think I 'm 
too old for my 
audience to iden- 
tify with?" 

-Bob Segarini 

"I'm a record 
producer now, you 
know.. ." 

-Declan McManus 

"Expect to he 
lucky enough to 
hit at the retar- 
dent performances 
of each band. 
Most interviews 
in R&R now are 
real boring. You 
can be too seri- 
ous or just silly 
but mostly boring 
I only wanted" 
-Colin Brunton 



PIG-J2 

The previous issue (#11), des- 
pite its horrifying shrinkage 
size-wise, sold like the pro- 
verbial hot-cakes; actually 
turning a PROFIT (thought I'd 
forgot how to spell that) with- 
in One Month of release! Conse- 
quently, by way of Thanks (and 
an ever-escalating GREED for 
Cash and Stardom), here is PIG 
PAPER 12. Same tiny road-map 
format, but an Extra EIGHT 
(count'em!) pages and a spot of 
colour on the cover. Almost 
like the halycon daze of PIG 10 
eh? Content-wise, you'll be 
pleased to find the same witty 
acidic nostalgic ramblings (a/ 
k/a Bullshit), starring, as 
part of my continuing series 
spotlighting Pop Gods, the 
immoral JOHN LENNON. Yes, JOHN 
LENNON! What more could you^^ 
possibly want ? ^GfttfftfSMX) 

Pl£^ f^ 1 70 COTTON DRIVE. MISS I SSAUG A 
■ IVJ VMiI e ONTARIO. CANADA. L5G IZ9 

PS: The rebirth of PIG has 
brought, by mail, telephone, 
and foot (remember: Visiting 
hours at the sty are Weekdays 
Only, 1 to 4 A.M. Knock loud 
though - I may have the head- 
phones on) a veritable Deluge 
of requests for Back Issues, 
So, until I get around to pub- 
lishing THE BEST OF PIG (a 
regular-size edition... yeah, 
just like CIRCUS!), here's the 
deal: PIG PAPER 11 (debut of 
POCKET PIG) is Sold Out, and I 
mean GONE. So are PPs 1 and 2 
(the infamous pre-punk issues) 
plus numbers 4,5,7,8, PIGSHEETs 
10-C through F, and the first 
PIG Record. Still available 
(complete with Collectors 
Prices!) are PIG PAPER 10 (gala 
DCS ish) $2.50 each (only two 
dozen left, y'see), PIGSHEET 
10-A (all about The Diodes - I 
guess that's why it didn't 
sell) and 10-B: $1.00 each, 
PIG PAPER 9 (with Johnny Rot 
Ten interview) (yes, it's a 
REAL interview): $2.00 each, 
PIG PAPER 6 (where were You in 
October 1977?): $3.50 each 
(only ONE dozen left), and PIG 
PAPER 3 (a real kollectors' 
item!): $1 .00 each, (and a 
word of warning to whoever 's 
bootlegging issues 7 and 8: 
you could've at least used a 
better photocopier!) Costs 
Too M uch (in the words of 
"Amusement Parks USA") you 
say? Well, try to keep in 
mind that stamps and envelopes 
are included (plus remember: 
I get at least $5.00 an issue 
when I hock 'em at rock con- 
ventions, so QUIT COMPLAINING!) 



ttfmmmmmmmmmw 




In case you 
haven't al- 
ready caught 
my drift, I 
am most cer- 
tainly NOT 
a fan of 
"New" Wave, 
or The "New" 
Music, or 
whatever its 
being label- 
led this 
month. That 
is coz I 
LIKE ROCK'N' 
ROLL, which, 



BftOfi. i 
TAW 







V E LvETfi 



by the way, exploded in the mid- Fifties, flour- 
ished in the mid-Sixties, and was briefly revi- 
ved by The Ramones in the mid-Seventies. The 
fluff which is passing as newave in 1980 is 
nothing more than clumps of trend-hopping over- 
thirties whose music and mannerisms have been 
totally syrup' d down for mass consumption (via 
the radio and TV: a sure sign that the genre's 
a hoax!). Acts the likes of Joe Jackson and 
The Boomtown Rats are simply this year's John 
Travolta and Village People; if you scoff at 
this observation, just take a look around you 
the next time you attend a Blondie or Clash 
concert: Not since the dark-age of the dreaded 
Disco has the music taken such a blatant back 
seat to the clothes and the cliques. 

For the thousands of you out there who are 
revelling today in the Industry-sponsered proc- 
lamations that Disco's Dead/Long Live Rock, 
secure in the fashionable self-justification 
that "Wow! Tom Petty 's on the cover of ROLLING 
STONE: there's hope after all!", I do not rec- 
ommend to you KICKS Magazine (or even THE PIG 
PAPER for that matter). Besides, if you're un- 
fortunate enough to be living in or around 
Toronto, there's a whole slew of photocopied 
alternatives a/k/a Fanzines available (now, 
remember what you've all been taught: "Fanzine" 
means you can hand-print dribble off the top of 
your scalp onto a dozen pages, staple it once 
or twice, sell it for a buck, and defend it by 
pleading "Non-Commercial ity!" and "Spontaneity!"] 
Therein, you can content yourself with second- 
hand sagas and slightly-rewritten record com- 
pany hypesheets on all yer current trends like 
XTC and The Police. But once you've wet your 
ears in the newave 's shallowness, you may pro- 
gress, if you dare, to the epitomy of popdom: 
Yes, you too can become A ROCK'N 'ROLLER! 

While you're not busy trading in your Cars 
and Costello records for the superior sounds of 
Gene Vincent and Gerry And The Pacemakers, for- 
sake rags like ZIG ZAG and NEW YORK ROCKER for 
tasty pages from GOLDMINE, TIME BARRIER EXPRESS, 
and, once you're ready for rock'n'roll heaven, 
the exquisite KICKS! 

That's Right. KICKS. The jumbo-sized, fun- 
filled, action-packed brainchild of veteran 
rockers Billy Miller and Miriam "Scamper" 
("Scamper"?) Linna, who not only write great 
r'n'r, but PLAY it too, in their band The 
Zantees (cominq soon on Bomp Records, Mr. 
Shaw threatens). 

INSERT BILLY i MMI/M'S QOOle Htftt 



WHAT QUOTE? 
THEtK QUOTE ABOUT "KICKS' 1 
WH/\T ARE YOU TALWAfooi? 
THAT LITTLE PIECE THEY MAILEPUSi 

I THOUGHT I $AV£ IT W YOU... 
I THOUGHT YbU HAD IT... 

fhrqet if.**.. Okay, Okay, so the 
majority of KICKS and Its fellow publications 
concern themselves with "The Past": groups 
that have long ago disbanded; singers who long 
ago died. Only token coverage of modern-day 
popsters is offered, and more often that not 
it 1s of Fifties (1e: Robert Gordon) and 
Sixties (1e: Flam1n(g) Groovles) copy-cats. 
But GOODNESS GRACIOUS, can't any of you see 
why? Because NOBODY, not even Joey, Johnny, 
Dee Dee and Marky, are performing genuine 
r'n'r in the Eighties. 

I'll admit I'm far from being a fan of 
clone-rock, Gordon and Groovles-style. But not 
a soul alive can deny that there's a heck of a 
lot more sweating and a lot less smarming in 
that brand of music that 1n play-it-safe new 
wave. Similarily, you can grab a lot more 
info (plus Laffs) from an old surf or north- 
western rock reprint KICKS-style than from 
the pretentious fashion analysis and the dumb- 
ass socio-musical meanderings which seem to be 
the crux of the newave press. 

But most important of all, the prosecution 
howls in presenting its most damning piece of 
evidence, is that SOMEWHERE, out there in a 
basement or a garage SOMEPLACE, SOMEONE isn't 
being lulled into submission by the new 
music's con, and SOMEBODY is busy creating 
fresh new frantic uncompromising pop-rock for 
those of us who remain faithful to True rock' 
n'roll. Such music won't contain sufficient 
dimness to enable it to be heard on the radio 
or seen in the fanzines or best-sellers lists. 
But so long as there's magazines like KICKS in 
circulation, we who remain trapped in the 
lunatic fringe of rockdom can rest assured 
that ROCK'N'ROLL IS HERE TO STAY. 

Hmmm. . • Kind o$ <x c\icY\e 
ervdirxq, isn't i+ ? /WMW'Go 

learn how to listen fiyovr 

KICKS MAGAZINE : 

P.O.Box 646 
Cooper Station 
New York City 
USA 10003. 

(Be sure to tell 
'em The Pigs 
sentcha!) 





In case you 
haven't al- 
ready caught 
my drift, I 
am most cer- 
tainly NOT 
a fan of 
"New" Wave, 
or The "New" 
Music, or 
whatever its 
being label- 
led this 
month. That 
is coz I 
LIKE ROCK'N' 
ROLL, which, 



BftOfi. i 
TAW 







V E LvETfi 



by the way, exploded in the mid- Fifties, flour- 
ished in the mid-Sixties, and was briefly revi- 
ved by The Ramones in the mid-Seventies. The 
fluff which is passing as newave in 1980 is 
nothing more than clumps of trend-hopping over- 
thirties whose music and mannerisms have been 
totally syrup' d down for mass consumption (via 
the radio and TV: a sure sign that the genre's 
a hoax!). Acts the likes of Joe Jackson and 
The Boomtown Rats are simply this year's John 
Travolta and Village People; if you scoff at 
this observation, just take a look around you 
the next time you attend a Blondie or Clash 
concert: Not since the dark-age of the dreaded 
Disco has the music taken such a blatant back 
seat to the clothes and the cliques. 

For the thousands of you out there who are 
revelling today in the Industry-sponsered proc- 
lamations that Disco's Dead/Long Live Rock, 
secure in the fashionable self-justification 
that "Wow! Tom Petty 's on the cover of ROLLING 
STONE: there's hope after all!", I do not rec- 
ommend to you KICKS Magazine (or even THE PIG 
PAPER for that matter). Besides, if you're un- 
fortunate enough to be living in or around 
Toronto, there's a whole slew of photocopied 
alternatives a/k/a Fanzines available (now, 
remember what you've all been taught: "Fanzine" 
means you can hand-print dribble off the top of 
your scalp onto a dozen pages, staple it once 
or twice, sell it for a buck, and defend it by 
pleading "Non-Commercial ity!" and "Spontaneity!"] 
Therein, you can content yourself with second- 
hand sagas and slightly-rewritten record com- 
pany hypesheets on all yer current trends like 
XTC and The Police. But once you've wet your 
ears in the newave 's shallowness, you may pro- 
gress, if you dare, to the epitomy of popdom: 
Yes, you too can become A ROCK'N 'ROLLER! 

While you're not busy trading in your Cars 
and Costello records for the superior sounds of 
Gene Vincent and Gerry And The Pacemakers, for- 
sake rags like ZIG ZAG and NEW YORK ROCKER for 
tasty pages from GOLDMINE, TIME BARRIER EXPRESS, 
and, once you're ready for rock'n'roll heaven, 
the exquisite KICKS! 

That's Right. KICKS. The jumbo-sized, fun- 
filled, action-packed brainchild of veteran 
rockers Billy Miller and Miriam "Scamper" 
("Scamper"?) Linna, who not only write great 
r'n'r, but PLAY it too, in their band The 
Zantees (cominq soon on Bomp Records, Mr. 
Shaw threatens). 

INSERT BILLY i MMI/M'S QOOle Htftt 



WHAT QUOTE? 
THEtK QUOTE ABOUT "KICKS' 1 
WH/\T ARE YOU TALWAfooi? 
THAT LITTLE PIECE THEY MAILEPUSi 

I THOUGHT I $AV£ IT W YOU... 
I THOUGHT YbU HAD IT... 

fhrqet if.**.. Okay, Okay, so the 
majority of KICKS and Its fellow publications 
concern themselves with "The Past": groups 
that have long ago disbanded; singers who long 
ago died. Only token coverage of modern-day 
popsters is offered, and more often that not 
it 1s of Fifties (1e: Robert Gordon) and 
Sixties (1e: Flam1n(g) Groovles) copy-cats. 
But GOODNESS GRACIOUS, can't any of you see 
why? Because NOBODY, not even Joey, Johnny, 
Dee Dee and Marky, are performing genuine 
r'n'r in the Eighties. 

I'll admit I'm far from being a fan of 
clone-rock, Gordon and Groovles-style. But not 
a soul alive can deny that there's a heck of a 
lot more sweating and a lot less smarming in 
that brand of music that 1n play-it-safe new 
wave. Similarily, you can grab a lot more 
info (plus Laffs) from an old surf or north- 
western rock reprint KICKS-style than from 
the pretentious fashion analysis and the dumb- 
ass socio-musical meanderings which seem to be 
the crux of the newave press. 

But most important of all, the prosecution 
howls in presenting its most damning piece of 
evidence, is that SOMEWHERE, out there in a 
basement or a garage SOMEPLACE, SOMEONE isn't 
being lulled into submission by the new 
music's con, and SOMEBODY is busy creating 
fresh new frantic uncompromising pop-rock for 
those of us who remain faithful to True rock' 
n'roll. Such music won't contain sufficient 
dimness to enable it to be heard on the radio 
or seen in the fanzines or best-sellers lists. 
But so long as there's magazines like KICKS in 
circulation, we who remain trapped in the 
lunatic fringe of rockdom can rest assured 
that ROCK'N'ROLL IS HERE TO STAY. 

Hmmm. . • Kind o$ <x c\icY\e 
ervdirxq, isn't i+ ? /WMW'Go 

learn how to listen fiyovr 

KICKS MAGAZINE : 

P.O.Box 646 
Cooper Station 
New York City 
USA 10003. 

(Be sure to tell 
'em The Pigs 
sentcha!) 




MOTOWN (Gordus Detroitus) (from the 
German MEAUTOUEN), a retail outlet 
from the Middle Ages specializing in 
water barriers strung around castles; 
a Three Stooges townhouse develop- 
ment; a dang good entertainment con- 
glomerate of Negro Americana (a/k/a 
"The Sound Of Young America") which 
ruled the Sixties by six-transistor 
in the face of the British Invasions, 
"Vogage To The Bottom Of The Sea", 
the folk-rockers, the Dick Clark/ 
Raiders/Monkees clique, "The Man From 
PUNCLE", the bubblegum era, the 
Woodstuck generation. 

CUT TO: Summer 1964. The Place: 
Camp Toderadaca, northern Ontario 
Canada. Amid the Seasons Four and 
the Beach Beaus emerged a spankin' 
new Sound-to-be, which infiltrated my 
decade-old ears still in their pop 
infancy. It was yearnin yearnin yearnin burnin 
burnin burnin into my bwain: I was HOOKED on Mo 
Town! (it was baby-love at first sight). Then, 
SUDDENLY: 1965! The Four Tops! Junior Walker 
And His All-***'s! "Stop In The Name Of Love"! 
The Temptations! Marvin Gaye! The Marvel ettes! 
For the next five years, this Michigan mad- 
ness provided the perfect soundtrack for all us 
inbetw-eens. From behind his all-powerful desk, 
Motown mastermind Berry Gordy Jr. erected a 
totally self-contained label (actually, LabelS: 
mustn't forget sister Tamla!) which wrote, per- 
formed, produced and marketed its family ultra- 
successfully to the world. Berry Gordy: Pop 
Pioneer. (He even made sure the al ready-chart 
topping Supremes stayed in high school until 
they had become certified graduettes). It was, 
without a doubt, THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA. 

By 1967, Motown and the National Aeronautics 
And Space Administration collaborated to pro- 
duce yet another Supremes sensation ("Reflec- 
tions"); you could actually buy Supremes 
(White!) Bread in your local deli; and Gordy' s 
gang was literally swimming in gold records. 
(Gold's now swimming in Motown records: Just 
ask him!). Not even Kirshner's Revenge, with 
the first recorded dabbling of moo-synthesizing 
(on their PISCES AQUARIUS DOLENZ AND WHATEVER 
album), could topple the Taml a/Motown strangle- 
hold. 

WHY? How could a riveter on an automobile 
assembly line one day sod his job and within a 
half-decade so uncannily have the nation's ears 
and feet in his pocket? Well, I guess it was 
just a great, regular thing: New singles every 
morning, TV appearances galore, wack-o group 
names and get-ups. A true blackstravaganza of 
niggerly nuggets custom-made for both the 
whites (Berry always made sure he packaged his 
acts with Vegas in mind) and non-whites (who, 
rumour has it, jest loved that snatting on- 
stage choreography). 

I'm sorry, Mr. Gordy, but I Really LOVE what 
you did. Yes, you Always kept your kids in the 
public eye. Boy, you had so many too! (would 
have dug to have sat in at an office X-mas 
party or two...). Personally, while all my 
pals were drifting off into a musical ball of 
confusion during the late-Sickties, with their 
purple hazes'n'hurdy gurdy men, I was still 
Reaching Out for those throbbing bass lines and 
cornographic dance routines every Sunday eve on 
"The Ed Sullivan Show" (where 1 d'ya think Disco 
came from? Doesn't really matter, I guess...). 



By the time the 7-Tease had slouched upon us, 
Motown had wlmped out to the West Coast 1n order 
to REALLY Imbed themselves upon the M.O.R. GASP! 
They even signed a suede-o-black white act (Rare 
Earth), fell head-first Into the celluloid cess- 
pool (I'm not even gonna bother mentioning exam- 
ples!), and bankrolled it all by repackaging 
their former glories in an un-end1ng stream of 
Greatest Hits/Chartbusters/Best Ofs/Anthology 
throw-togethers. Some of the kids ran away from 
home, never to reburn (The Isley Brothers to 
Columbia, The Four Tops to ABC...); some pre- 
ferred the safety and comfort of daddy (the 
recently-divorced, FROM THE SUPREMES!, Diana 
Ross, and even Smokey Robinson), but uhh 

LET'S NOT DWELL ON THE BAD TIMES. Let's 
Concentrate on 1963 To 1968: THE MOTOWN YEARS! 

Like, didja know Carol Channlng wrote the 
Uner notes for the DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES 
GREATEST HITS album? John Fogerty was a member 
in good standing of the Martha Reeves Fan Club? 
"Psychedelic Shack" was originally released by 
a Jamaican combo called The Four Drawers? The 
Spinners never recorded "Na Na Hey Hey (K1ss 
Him Goodbye)"? Dlonne Warwick never signed with 
Motown because her teeth were believed to be too 
dominant on TV? The Four Tops dedicated "Berna- 
dette" to the Motor City Loan Corporation? The 
composer of the "My Three Sons" theme song once 
co-wrote a song for The Supremes? The only 
European act ever awarded a Motown recording 
contract was British vocalist Conrad Poohs? The 
Marvelettes' "Please Mister Postman" earned them 
a gold stamp? The Pretty Things released an LP 
on Motown? The United States Mint considered 
issuing Motown Money, but only a Jackson Five 
was ever released? Barrett Strong is a million- 
aire? The Bubble Puppy once toured with Mary 
Wells? Lou Christie and Jimmy Ruffin were once 
seen going over songs together in the mens room 
at LaGuardia Airport? Elvis never covered a 
Motown song? The Beach Boys did? Sammy Davis 
Jr once won a national Little Stevie Wonder look 
alike contest? "American Bandstand" never did a 
telecast from Detroit? Smokey Robinson And The 
Miracles bootlegs are big sellers 1n the Virgin 
Islands? The Temptations were originally called 
The Five Bottles? Berry Gordy 's first film was 
a short entitled "Afro-Gan Graffiti"? Richard 
b ackgro und vocalists on "I 
t4 * f ipn never re- 
HS 




Cj 

tra 

Abba visit the 

tour North America? 



MOTOWN (Gordus Detroitus) (from the 
German MEAUTOUEN), a retail outlet 
from the Middle Ages specializing in 
water barriers strung around castles; 
a Three Stooges townhouse develop- 
ment; a dang good entertainment con- 
glomerate of Negro Americana (a/k/a 
"The Sound Of Young America") which 
ruled the Sixties by six-transistor 
in the face of the British Invasions, 
"Vogage To The Bottom Of The Sea", 
the folk-rockers, the Dick Clark/ 
Raiders/Monkees clique, "The Man From 
PUNCLE", the bubblegum era, the 
Woodstuck generation. 

CUT TO: Summer 1964. The Place: 
Camp Toderadaca, northern Ontario 
Canada. Amid the Seasons Four and 
the Beach Beaus emerged a spankin' 
new Sound-to-be, which infiltrated my 
decade-old ears still in their pop 
infancy. It was yearnin yearnin yearnin burnin 
burnin burnin into my bwain: I was HOOKED on Mo 
Town! (it was baby-love at first sight). Then, 
SUDDENLY: 1965! The Four Tops! Junior Walker 
And His All-***'s! "Stop In The Name Of Love"! 
The Temptations! Marvin Gaye! The Marvel ettes! 
For the next five years, this Michigan mad- 
ness provided the perfect soundtrack for all us 
inbetw-eens. From behind his all-powerful desk, 
Motown mastermind Berry Gordy Jr. erected a 
totally self-contained label (actually, LabelS: 
mustn't forget sister Tamla!) which wrote, per- 
formed, produced and marketed its family ultra- 
successfully to the world. Berry Gordy: Pop 
Pioneer. (He even made sure the al ready-chart 
topping Supremes stayed in high school until 
they had become certified graduettes). It was, 
without a doubt, THE SOUND OF YOUNG AMERICA. 

By 1967, Motown and the National Aeronautics 
And Space Administration collaborated to pro- 
duce yet another Supremes sensation ("Reflec- 
tions"); you could actually buy Supremes 
(White!) Bread in your local deli; and Gordy' s 
gang was literally swimming in gold records. 
(Gold's now swimming in Motown records: Just 
ask him!). Not even Kirshner's Revenge, with 
the first recorded dabbling of moo-synthesizing 
(on their PISCES AQUARIUS DOLENZ AND WHATEVER 
album), could topple the Taml a/Motown strangle- 
hold. 

WHY? How could a riveter on an automobile 
assembly line one day sod his job and within a 
half-decade so uncannily have the nation's ears 
and feet in his pocket? Well, I guess it was 
just a great, regular thing: New singles every 
morning, TV appearances galore, wack-o group 
names and get-ups. A true blackstravaganza of 
niggerly nuggets custom-made for both the 
whites (Berry always made sure he packaged his 
acts with Vegas in mind) and non-whites (who, 
rumour has it, jest loved that snatting on- 
stage choreography). 

I'm sorry, Mr. Gordy, but I Really LOVE what 
you did. Yes, you Always kept your kids in the 
public eye. Boy, you had so many too! (would 
have dug to have sat in at an office X-mas 
party or two...). Personally, while all my 
pals were drifting off into a musical ball of 
confusion during the late-Sickties, with their 
purple hazes'n'hurdy gurdy men, I was still 
Reaching Out for those throbbing bass lines and 
cornographic dance routines every Sunday eve on 
"The Ed Sullivan Show" (where 1 d'ya think Disco 
came from? Doesn't really matter, I guess...). 



By the time the 7-Tease had slouched upon us, 
Motown had wlmped out to the West Coast 1n order 
to REALLY Imbed themselves upon the M.O.R. GASP! 
They even signed a suede-o-black white act (Rare 
Earth), fell head-first Into the celluloid cess- 
pool (I'm not even gonna bother mentioning exam- 
ples!), and bankrolled it all by repackaging 
their former glories in an un-end1ng stream of 
Greatest Hits/Chartbusters/Best Ofs/Anthology 
throw-togethers. Some of the kids ran away from 
home, never to reburn (The Isley Brothers to 
Columbia, The Four Tops to ABC...); some pre- 
ferred the safety and comfort of daddy (the 
recently-divorced, FROM THE SUPREMES!, Diana 
Ross, and even Smokey Robinson), but uhh 

LET'S NOT DWELL ON THE BAD TIMES. Let's 
Concentrate on 1963 To 1968: THE MOTOWN YEARS! 

Like, didja know Carol Channlng wrote the 
Uner notes for the DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES 
GREATEST HITS album? John Fogerty was a member 
in good standing of the Martha Reeves Fan Club? 
"Psychedelic Shack" was originally released by 
a Jamaican combo called The Four Drawers? The 
Spinners never recorded "Na Na Hey Hey (K1ss 
Him Goodbye)"? Dlonne Warwick never signed with 
Motown because her teeth were believed to be too 
dominant on TV? The Four Tops dedicated "Berna- 
dette" to the Motor City Loan Corporation? The 
composer of the "My Three Sons" theme song once 
co-wrote a song for The Supremes? The only 
European act ever awarded a Motown recording 
contract was British vocalist Conrad Poohs? The 
Marvelettes' "Please Mister Postman" earned them 
a gold stamp? The Pretty Things released an LP 
on Motown? The United States Mint considered 
issuing Motown Money, but only a Jackson Five 
was ever released? Barrett Strong is a million- 
aire? The Bubble Puppy once toured with Mary 
Wells? Lou Christie and Jimmy Ruffin were once 
seen going over songs together in the mens room 
at LaGuardia Airport? Elvis never covered a 
Motown song? The Beach Boys did? Sammy Davis 
Jr once won a national Little Stevie Wonder look 
alike contest? "American Bandstand" never did a 
telecast from Detroit? Smokey Robinson And The 
Miracles bootlegs are big sellers 1n the Virgin 
Islands? The Temptations were originally called 
The Five Bottles? Berry Gordy 's first film was 
a short entitled "Afro-Gan Graffiti"? Richard 
b ackgro und vocalists on "I 
t4 * f ipn never re- 
HS 




Cj 

tra 

Abba visit the 

tour North America? 







QPIGSTALGIA 



I THE 

| BEACH BOYS 

I REVEAL 

I "THE THINGS WE HATE 
I and THE THINGS WE LOVE" 

jj| CARL WILSON 

I* I HATE people who make stupid jokes about my hair, 
*\ I HATE hot, damp weather. 

£* I HATE getting trapped in crowd*. In one arena Glen 
A Campbell-who takes Brian's place when we are on the 
K road-jumped off the stage first (at the end of the show) 
& and the rest of us didn't have time to run off before the 
5k crowd closed in. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but it 
53 was a frightening experience. 

*i I HATE getting up to catch an early morning flight. 
M Our road manager, Terry Sachen, gets up one hour ahead 
K of time, and it takes him just that long to get me out 
$3 of bed! 

W I HATE people who shove a paper and pencil at you 
WA and say, "Sign it." Kids are too polite to do this — ifs the 
uS adults who are rude to us. 
OS I HATE girls who act stuck up. 
MM I HATE having my hair pulled. 
SS / HATE sweet potatoes. 
faj! I HATE rude telephone operators. 
M I LOVE girls with a sense of humor, 
jg I LOVE the clothes Duggie Millings of London makes. 
W< He does the suits you see Peter and Gordon and the 
<£} Beatles wear. 

&*j I LOVE my older brother Brian's sense of humor. He 
ts can cheer me up and make me laugh when no else can. 
|S I LOVE girls who can carry on an interesting conversa- 
nt tion. 

pS I LOVE to listen to LPs. When I was in New York last 
?&* rime, the people at Capitol Records turned me loose in 
^jP the warehouse and I took tons of records back to L.A. 
gM with me. I took LPs by Peter and Cordon, Cilia Black, 
" j Laurendo Almeida, the Lettermen, the Beatles and the 
I Four Freshmen — to name a few. 

I LOVE water-skiing. 

I LOVE the TV show, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. 

I LOVE the way the Righteous Brothers sing. 

I LOVE girls who are cute, but don't act conceited. 

I LOVE food — especially Polynesian dishes. 

/ LOVE the new house Dennis and I share in the Holly- 
\ wood Hills. It is ultra-modern, but cozy. 




j^«K&amiSttdSS^^ 







DENNIS WILSON 




J HATE phone calls in the middle of the night. 
I HATE artsy-folksy folks who are that way only be- 
cause they think it is the "in" thing to do. 

I HATE girls who call attention to themselves by being 

I HATE to be cooped up in a dressing room or on a 
plane. 

I HATE to go on long ear rides unless I am the one who 
is doing the driving. 

I HATE to ever be the least bit sick. I can't stand 
lying about. 

/ HATE to hear people put down other people — for 
anything. 

I HATE teased-up hair styles. 

I HATE to see young girls dressed in black or dark 
sophisticated clothes. 

/ LOVE to go fishing. 

I LOVE the presents that fans give me. We all got 
lovely identification bracelets from a New York City girl 
once when were there. It really thrilled us that someone 
took such pains on our behalf. 

1 LOVE Chinese food, and my favorite restaurant is 
Ah Fong's on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. 

/ LOVE cars. I have a black Ferrari sports car. I used 
to race. 

I LOVE girls-all kinds, shapes and sizes! 

I LOVE to dance, and when I have time of an evening | 
you can find me going through all the latest steps at F 
Gazzari's in Hollywood. 

/ LOVE the way Barbra Streisand sings. When she | 
played the Coconut Grove, 7 went to see her five nights I 

I LOVE to meet the kids who come to see us when we | 
do public appearances. 

I LOVE discoteques. 

/ LOVE all the "group" sounds — both English and ! 
American. 

BRIAN WILSON 

I HATE so-called "surfin' music." It's a name that 
people slap on any sound from California. Oi'r music is 
rightfully "the Beach Boy sound" — if one has to label it. 

/ HATE to miss gigs. But I've missed many lately be- 
cause of time I have to spend in a relatively calm at- 
mosphere writing our songs and doing all the musical 
arrangements. 



By Linda Wolf 
(and Trini Lo Presti) 
Sherman Oaks, Calif. 

Editor's Note: 1965 promises to be 
i great year, but chances ore it'll never 
quite top 1964. Because 1964 was 
loaded with an extra-special amount 
of adventure and excitement. 

Because last year was such an un- 
usual one, for the next several issues 
TS will be presenting highlights of 

, written by the people who lived 

You're about to read the first story 
n this series. The debut article re*- 
enacts the adventures of two Rolling 
Stones fans who had the good fortune 
o meet their idols in person. 

If yon had similar good fortune 
during 1964, and met one of your fa- 
vorites, please send us your story. If 
it's printed in TS, you'll receive pay- 
ment upon publication. 

All articles must be typewritten and 

double spaced. They must also be ac- 

mpanied by a stamped, self ad- 

| dressed envelope (for the return of 

tr story if we're unable lo use it), 

| and by a letter from your parents, 

giving us permission to print the 



Mail your contribution lo Teen 
Screen '64, 6425 Hollywood Blvd., 
Hollywood, Calif. 90028. 

And now, let's get rolling with the 
Stones.' 



ted on Monday," Octobci 
26, 1964. The day I received 



ets to the Tami Show in the mail. My 
girl friend, Trina, and I were so ex- 
cited we coutd hardly breathe. We 
were going to see the Rolling Stones, 
in person! Along with many other 
English and American stars ! 

October 28, the day of the Tami 
Show, finally arrived. I never thought 
time could pass so slowly, or that two 
days could seem so long. When the 
zero hour was here at last we dashed 
out of school and raced home, ten- 
sion mounting in our hearts. 

At 6:30 the doors of the Santa 
Monica Civic Auditorium opened and 
everyone scrambled into the auditori- 
um. Trina and I found seats in the 
third row, but it wasn't just Kick that 
helped us get this close. We'd been 
standing outside for nearly three 
hours. 

Jan and Dean were the first ro 
perform. Although they were great, 
neither of us could get the rocks out 
of our heads, or the Stones. 

"We've just got to meet the Stones," 
Trina whispered loudly. "We just 
have to!" 

1 nodded. "I know, Trina, but it's 
too much to think about. Just too 
much of a miracle." 

"Listen, Linda, when I make up my 
mind to do something, nothing can 
stop me!" 

"Stop talking and watch the show," 
I shushed. "We'll never get back- 
stage." 

What a statement. How wrong I 



break for the cameras to reload, \ 
walked over ro Jan and Dean to ask I 
for autographs. We also asked them \ 
where the Stones were at the mom- 
ent. 

"In their dressing rooms, probably," 
they told us. 

Trina smiled bravely. "You couldn't 
get us backstage, could you ?" 

Jan and Dean smiled back, as hun- 
dreds of girls had probably already 
asked this same question. 

"Sorry, bur you both need Tami 
badges." 

We thanked them anyway and were 
just walking back to our seats when 
I noticed two girls wearing Tami 
badges. 

"Trina! Look over there!" 

Trina looked, gasped, and we im- 
mediately walked over to the girls. 
Ir rook some persuading to get them 
to loan us their badges, but I finally 
got them to agree by leaving my purse 
with them. 

Then we pinned the badges on and 
moved toward the backstage entrance 
where a few guards were holding back 
a group of fans. 

"Be calm," I breathed. 

"Act like you don't really care," 
Trina breathed back. 

We did just that and suddenly the 
guards began clearing a path for us. 
We were shocked beyond belief when 
we found ourselves walking through 
the doorway. 

Once we were there, we stopped 

(Continued overleaf) 






I HATE sound men who have a "tin" ear. It's awful 
when you go to set up your mikes on the road and the 
sound people don't help you work out the proper effects. 
It's the audience who suffers most! 

I HATE neighbors who complain when I play the 
piano in the middle of the night. As you may guess, I 
just had some of the same — and now I have to move 



■ our time to go on. 

i I HATE older people who critieiie younger people who 

t are trying to do something. 

j I HATE people who don't try to understand others. 

I I HATE immodest, aggressive girls. 

' I LOVE to compose and arrange— to create and make 

* I LOVE to buy things on impulse. I bought a steam 

* bath (portable) that way. 

1 / LOVE girls with dark olive skin and dark hair. 

* I LOVE my Cadillac. It is a green El Dorado. 

f I LOVE "egg-in-the-hole". It's about the only thing 

1 I can cook, but it is great. You pinch out the center of a 

* piece of bread, butter it. place it in a frying pan and put 
$ a raw egg in the hole. The entire thing cooks together 
i and is very, very tasty. 

> J LOVE playing baseball. I was center field for the 

> Hawthorne High School team. 

i I LOVE the English TV show, Ready, Steady, Go live! 
t I LOVE to he healthy. I was run-down for a while 
k from over-work, but I started taking vitamins and eating 
g regularly — and now I'm fine. 

* AL JARDINE 

£ I HATE people who ask us what we are going to do 
j> when ". . . this is all over." They sound as though the 
j world will end for us when we stop cutting records. We 

* all have plenty of definite plans for the future. 

* I HATE to be away from home (and my lovely wife, 
!j Linda) for too long a time. 

£ I HATE to see adults put us and our music down because 

2 they don't happen to like the sound. 

3 I HATE to see teenage girls run around dressed in 
t. a sloppy manner. 

3 / HATE to he kept waiting for anything. 

Lj I HATE olives. 

j? I HATE to have to walk anywhere. I guess that's he- 

■ cause in Hollywood you get used to driving everywhere. 
£ / HATE those who said the Beach Boys were a lad and 

* wouldn't last. Ha! Ha! 




I lOVE to be a tourist when I'm on the road. I roam the 
streets of any new town I visit and try to see all there 
is to see while I am there. 

I LOVE New York City. It is absolutely fascinating — I 

/ LOVE collecting souvenirs. 

I LOVE to see girls with long natural-looking hair. 

I LOVE to play Big Casino— a card game. 

/ LOVE to win when I play Big Casino! 

I LOVE to be called by my entire first name-Alan. j 

MIKE LOVE I 

I HATE people who barge into your dressing room J 
after a show and make themselves at home. 

/ HATE for a girl to scream right into my ear. It's 
happened in mob scenes a couple of times, and I almost \ 
went deaf! 

I HATE opera. My mother used to play it real loud in I 
the mornings to wake me up when I was in school— and j 
now I can't stand it! 

I HATE people who try to trick other people. 

I HATE girls who adopt a facade or pretend to be ', 
"cool" because it's the thing to do. • 

I HATE to see girls wear black lace stockings. 

I HATE beatniks. 

/ HATE the way the English use the word artistes to \ 
refer to performers. It sounds so pretentious. } 

I HATE girls who are grubby and dirty. 

/ LOVE Hawaii, Mexico and France. 

I LOVE Oriental and near-Eastern types of girls. 

I LOVE young girls, for they don't seem to be as 
artificial as the older ones. 

/ LOVE tight jeans. I 

1 LOVE the color blue. 

I LOVE fans who really care for you and don't run 
after you just because you're a performer. 

/ LOVE girls who wear light cologne. My favorite 
aroma is Casaque. 

I LOVE the Beatles' record, Ticket To Ride. 

I LOVE rock and roll music, especially Little Richard 
and Chuck Berry. 

/ LOVE the sculpture of Rodin. 

I LOVE watches. I just bought o beautiful gold one for 
a girl— but now I have to find a girl to give it to! 

I LOVE— like I said before— GIRLS! 




Responsible for this wonderful night were Brian Keith , Keith Richard , 
Mick Jagger , Charlie Watts and Bill Wyman . The ever-rolling Stones I 

"Linda, we're here, really back- 




WE ALL LOVE to hear from you, so if you wish, drop I 
is a line at T750 North Vine. Hollywood, Calif. 



?! stage ! 

"I just don't believe it!" 
But, ic was really, really true. We 
1 stood for awhile, watching the busy 
1 people rushing around, getting things 
eady for the next act. We didn'r want 
H to get in the way, or start snooping 
around. All we wanted to do was wait 
right where we were in hopes of see- 
ing even one of the Stones. 

We talked for awhile amidst all the 
noise, mostly about Mick Jagger, our 
favorite Stone. We were right in the 
middle of discussing how much we 
loved him when we heard someone 
9 laugh behind us. 

I turned around. And the someone 
was Mick! 

"Mick," I said, not believing my 

eyes. "It's you, not a picture, it's you !" 

I was too upset to say anything else 

until Trina started talking to Mick 

and I realized he was just as nice as 

J I knew he'd be. Then all of us talked 

| about the show and England, but I 

j knew Trina was feeling the same way 

* I was. Calm on the surface only. 

Just then we heard a lot of noise 
n a room across the hall from us, so 
ve went. in. Practically all the per- 
il formers were there, watching closed 
I circuit television of the activities on 
I stage. 

"Linda," Trina exclaimed. "There's 

1 looked. It was him, all right. Half 
I asleep and half awake, drinking a 
| coke. 

He was so handsome, 1 just couldn't 
9 help myself. 1 just had to go over and 



talk to him, so 1 did. 

"Could I please have your auto- 
graph," I asked, trying not to get all 
tongue-tied the way I had with Mick. 
"Sure," he smiled. 

Trina came up at just that moment, 
got his autograph also, and then asked 
where Charlie w.is. 

"He's over there in the corner, 
sleeping," Brian told us. "That's what 
we all should be doing. We've been 
here since early this morning." 

"I guess they must really work you 
hard," Trina said. 

"They do, they do" And something 
in the way he said it made us realize 
chat he was kind of glad to have 
someone to talk to. And for this rea- 
son we suddenly found ourselves tell- 
ing him how we'd managed to get 
backstage. How I'd left my purse and 
all, so we could have the chance of 
meeting them. 

"We don't really belong back here," 
we confessed. 

Brian's sleepy face half smiled, then 
broke into a big grin. We still can't 
believe how shy and modesr he was 
about his success. He didn't try to 
act superior or anything. He was cas- 
ual and friendly about everything, just 
as though he wasn't a member of one 
of the most famous groups in the 
world. 

We would have loved to go on 
talking forever, but we knew he was 
tired so we turned our attention to 
Bill Wyman who had just stretched 
out in a nearby chair. 

Moments later I looked up to find 
Keith Richard standing next to me, 



even more handsome than in his 
photos. I know we talked with Keith 
for quite a while, but I don't remem- 
ber what we said. I was so dazed 
about all I could do was listen to the 
clear, cool British accents around me 
and look at Keith. Or at his identifi- 
cation bracelet, or his ring. 

Even in my fog, 1 knew ic was time 
for us to go back into the auditorium 
and lee che Scones gee a little rest. 

If only Keith would kiss me good- 
bye, I thought, knowing I'd never 
dream of asking him to. 

1 didn't realize that I'd said my 
wish aloud until Keith reached down 
and kissed me on the cheek. I never 
thought anything this wonderful could 
happen. Then I saw him kiss Trina, 
and we walked away, so happy we 
could have screamed. 

"What are you doing here," a voice i 
said as we entered the corridor. 

We dazedly showed our badges to 
the policeman who'd asked this ques- 

"You shouldn't be here," he said 
kindly. 

"We were just leaving," we an- 
swered. 

As he let us out the door, there 
were other girls clustered around, ask- 
ing for autographs. 

We knew how they felt. We'd been 
that way ourselves less than an hour 
ago. 

We also knew we'd been incredibly 
lucky, and that we'd never forget this 
wonderful night. 







QPIGSTALGIA 



I THE 

| BEACH BOYS 

I REVEAL 

I "THE THINGS WE HATE 
I and THE THINGS WE LOVE" 

jj| CARL WILSON 

I* I HATE people who make stupid jokes about my hair, 
*\ I HATE hot, damp weather. 

£* I HATE getting trapped in crowd*. In one arena Glen 
A Campbell-who takes Brian's place when we are on the 
K road-jumped off the stage first (at the end of the show) 
& and the rest of us didn't have time to run off before the 
5k crowd closed in. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but it 
53 was a frightening experience. 

*i I HATE getting up to catch an early morning flight. 
M Our road manager, Terry Sachen, gets up one hour ahead 
K of time, and it takes him just that long to get me out 
$3 of bed! 

W I HATE people who shove a paper and pencil at you 
WA and say, "Sign it." Kids are too polite to do this — ifs the 
uS adults who are rude to us. 
OS I HATE girls who act stuck up. 
MM I HATE having my hair pulled. 
SS / HATE sweet potatoes. 
faj! I HATE rude telephone operators. 
M I LOVE girls with a sense of humor, 
jg I LOVE the clothes Duggie Millings of London makes. 
W< He does the suits you see Peter and Gordon and the 
<£} Beatles wear. 

&*j I LOVE my older brother Brian's sense of humor. He 
ts can cheer me up and make me laugh when no else can. 
|S I LOVE girls who can carry on an interesting conversa- 
nt tion. 

pS I LOVE to listen to LPs. When I was in New York last 
?&* rime, the people at Capitol Records turned me loose in 
^jP the warehouse and I took tons of records back to L.A. 
gM with me. I took LPs by Peter and Cordon, Cilia Black, 
" j Laurendo Almeida, the Lettermen, the Beatles and the 
I Four Freshmen — to name a few. 

I LOVE water-skiing. 

I LOVE the TV show, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. 

I LOVE the way the Righteous Brothers sing. 

I LOVE girls who are cute, but don't act conceited. 

I LOVE food — especially Polynesian dishes. 

/ LOVE the new house Dennis and I share in the Holly- 
\ wood Hills. It is ultra-modern, but cozy. 




j^«K&amiSttdSS^^ 







DENNIS WILSON 




J HATE phone calls in the middle of the night. 
I HATE artsy-folksy folks who are that way only be- 
cause they think it is the "in" thing to do. 

I HATE girls who call attention to themselves by being 

I HATE to be cooped up in a dressing room or on a 
plane. 

I HATE to go on long ear rides unless I am the one who 
is doing the driving. 

I HATE to ever be the least bit sick. I can't stand 
lying about. 

/ HATE to hear people put down other people — for 
anything. 

I HATE teased-up hair styles. 

I HATE to see young girls dressed in black or dark 
sophisticated clothes. 

/ LOVE to go fishing. 

I LOVE the presents that fans give me. We all got 
lovely identification bracelets from a New York City girl 
once when were there. It really thrilled us that someone 
took such pains on our behalf. 

1 LOVE Chinese food, and my favorite restaurant is 
Ah Fong's on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. 

/ LOVE cars. I have a black Ferrari sports car. I used 
to race. 

I LOVE girls-all kinds, shapes and sizes! 

I LOVE to dance, and when I have time of an evening | 
you can find me going through all the latest steps at F 
Gazzari's in Hollywood. 

/ LOVE the way Barbra Streisand sings. When she | 
played the Coconut Grove, 7 went to see her five nights I 

I LOVE to meet the kids who come to see us when we | 
do public appearances. 

I LOVE discoteques. 

/ LOVE all the "group" sounds — both English and ! 
American. 

BRIAN WILSON 

I HATE so-called "surfin' music." It's a name that 
people slap on any sound from California. Oi'r music is 
rightfully "the Beach Boy sound" — if one has to label it. 

/ HATE to miss gigs. But I've missed many lately be- 
cause of time I have to spend in a relatively calm at- 
mosphere writing our songs and doing all the musical 
arrangements. 



By Linda Wolf 
(and Trini Lo Presti) 
Sherman Oaks, Calif. 

Editor's Note: 1965 promises to be 
i great year, but chances ore it'll never 
quite top 1964. Because 1964 was 
loaded with an extra-special amount 
of adventure and excitement. 

Because last year was such an un- 
usual one, for the next several issues 
TS will be presenting highlights of 

, written by the people who lived 

You're about to read the first story 
n this series. The debut article re*- 
enacts the adventures of two Rolling 
Stones fans who had the good fortune 
o meet their idols in person. 

If yon had similar good fortune 
during 1964, and met one of your fa- 
vorites, please send us your story. If 
it's printed in TS, you'll receive pay- 
ment upon publication. 

All articles must be typewritten and 

double spaced. They must also be ac- 

mpanied by a stamped, self ad- 

| dressed envelope (for the return of 

tr story if we're unable lo use it), 

| and by a letter from your parents, 

giving us permission to print the 



Mail your contribution lo Teen 
Screen '64, 6425 Hollywood Blvd., 
Hollywood, Calif. 90028. 

And now, let's get rolling with the 
Stones.' 



ted on Monday," Octobci 
26, 1964. The day I received 



ets to the Tami Show in the mail. My 
girl friend, Trina, and I were so ex- 
cited we coutd hardly breathe. We 
were going to see the Rolling Stones, 
in person! Along with many other 
English and American stars ! 

October 28, the day of the Tami 
Show, finally arrived. I never thought 
time could pass so slowly, or that two 
days could seem so long. When the 
zero hour was here at last we dashed 
out of school and raced home, ten- 
sion mounting in our hearts. 

At 6:30 the doors of the Santa 
Monica Civic Auditorium opened and 
everyone scrambled into the auditori- 
um. Trina and I found seats in the 
third row, but it wasn't just Kick that 
helped us get this close. We'd been 
standing outside for nearly three 
hours. 

Jan and Dean were the first ro 
perform. Although they were great, 
neither of us could get the rocks out 
of our heads, or the Stones. 

"We've just got to meet the Stones," 
Trina whispered loudly. "We just 
have to!" 

1 nodded. "I know, Trina, but it's 
too much to think about. Just too 
much of a miracle." 

"Listen, Linda, when I make up my 
mind to do something, nothing can 
stop me!" 

"Stop talking and watch the show," 
I shushed. "We'll never get back- 
stage." 

What a statement. How wrong I 



break for the cameras to reload, \ 
walked over ro Jan and Dean to ask I 
for autographs. We also asked them \ 
where the Stones were at the mom- 
ent. 

"In their dressing rooms, probably," 
they told us. 

Trina smiled bravely. "You couldn't 
get us backstage, could you ?" 

Jan and Dean smiled back, as hun- 
dreds of girls had probably already 
asked this same question. 

"Sorry, bur you both need Tami 
badges." 

We thanked them anyway and were 
just walking back to our seats when 
I noticed two girls wearing Tami 
badges. 

"Trina! Look over there!" 

Trina looked, gasped, and we im- 
mediately walked over to the girls. 
Ir rook some persuading to get them 
to loan us their badges, but I finally 
got them to agree by leaving my purse 
with them. 

Then we pinned the badges on and 
moved toward the backstage entrance 
where a few guards were holding back 
a group of fans. 

"Be calm," I breathed. 

"Act like you don't really care," 
Trina breathed back. 

We did just that and suddenly the 
guards began clearing a path for us. 
We were shocked beyond belief when 
we found ourselves walking through 
the doorway. 

Once we were there, we stopped 

(Continued overleaf) 






I HATE sound men who have a "tin" ear. It's awful 
when you go to set up your mikes on the road and the 
sound people don't help you work out the proper effects. 
It's the audience who suffers most! 

I HATE neighbors who complain when I play the 
piano in the middle of the night. As you may guess, I 
just had some of the same — and now I have to move 



■ our time to go on. 

i I HATE older people who critieiie younger people who 

t are trying to do something. 

j I HATE people who don't try to understand others. 

I I HATE immodest, aggressive girls. 

' I LOVE to compose and arrange— to create and make 

* I LOVE to buy things on impulse. I bought a steam 

* bath (portable) that way. 

1 / LOVE girls with dark olive skin and dark hair. 

* I LOVE my Cadillac. It is a green El Dorado. 

f I LOVE "egg-in-the-hole". It's about the only thing 

1 I can cook, but it is great. You pinch out the center of a 

* piece of bread, butter it. place it in a frying pan and put 
$ a raw egg in the hole. The entire thing cooks together 
i and is very, very tasty. 

> J LOVE playing baseball. I was center field for the 

> Hawthorne High School team. 

i I LOVE the English TV show, Ready, Steady, Go live! 
t I LOVE to he healthy. I was run-down for a while 
k from over-work, but I started taking vitamins and eating 
g regularly — and now I'm fine. 

* AL JARDINE 

£ I HATE people who ask us what we are going to do 
j> when ". . . this is all over." They sound as though the 
j world will end for us when we stop cutting records. We 

* all have plenty of definite plans for the future. 

* I HATE to be away from home (and my lovely wife, 
!j Linda) for too long a time. 

£ I HATE to see adults put us and our music down because 

2 they don't happen to like the sound. 

3 I HATE to see teenage girls run around dressed in 
t. a sloppy manner. 

3 / HATE to he kept waiting for anything. 

Lj I HATE olives. 

j? I HATE to have to walk anywhere. I guess that's he- 

■ cause in Hollywood you get used to driving everywhere. 
£ / HATE those who said the Beach Boys were a lad and 

* wouldn't last. Ha! Ha! 




I lOVE to be a tourist when I'm on the road. I roam the 
streets of any new town I visit and try to see all there 
is to see while I am there. 

I LOVE New York City. It is absolutely fascinating — I 

/ LOVE collecting souvenirs. 

I LOVE to see girls with long natural-looking hair. 

I LOVE to play Big Casino— a card game. 

/ LOVE to win when I play Big Casino! 

I LOVE to be called by my entire first name-Alan. j 

MIKE LOVE I 

I HATE people who barge into your dressing room J 
after a show and make themselves at home. 

/ HATE for a girl to scream right into my ear. It's 
happened in mob scenes a couple of times, and I almost \ 
went deaf! 

I HATE opera. My mother used to play it real loud in I 
the mornings to wake me up when I was in school— and j 
now I can't stand it! 

I HATE people who try to trick other people. 

I HATE girls who adopt a facade or pretend to be ', 
"cool" because it's the thing to do. • 

I HATE to see girls wear black lace stockings. 

I HATE beatniks. 

/ HATE the way the English use the word artistes to \ 
refer to performers. It sounds so pretentious. } 

I HATE girls who are grubby and dirty. 

/ LOVE Hawaii, Mexico and France. 

I LOVE Oriental and near-Eastern types of girls. 

I LOVE young girls, for they don't seem to be as 
artificial as the older ones. 

/ LOVE tight jeans. I 

1 LOVE the color blue. 

I LOVE fans who really care for you and don't run 
after you just because you're a performer. 

/ LOVE girls who wear light cologne. My favorite 
aroma is Casaque. 

I LOVE the Beatles' record, Ticket To Ride. 

I LOVE rock and roll music, especially Little Richard 
and Chuck Berry. 

/ LOVE the sculpture of Rodin. 

I LOVE watches. I just bought o beautiful gold one for 
a girl— but now I have to find a girl to give it to! 

I LOVE— like I said before— GIRLS! 




Responsible for this wonderful night were Brian Keith , Keith Richard , 
Mick Jagger , Charlie Watts and Bill Wyman . The ever-rolling Stones I 

"Linda, we're here, really back- 




WE ALL LOVE to hear from you, so if you wish, drop I 
is a line at T750 North Vine. Hollywood, Calif. 



?! stage ! 

"I just don't believe it!" 
But, ic was really, really true. We 
1 stood for awhile, watching the busy 
1 people rushing around, getting things 
eady for the next act. We didn'r want 
H to get in the way, or start snooping 
around. All we wanted to do was wait 
right where we were in hopes of see- 
ing even one of the Stones. 

We talked for awhile amidst all the 
noise, mostly about Mick Jagger, our 
favorite Stone. We were right in the 
middle of discussing how much we 
loved him when we heard someone 
9 laugh behind us. 

I turned around. And the someone 
was Mick! 

"Mick," I said, not believing my 

eyes. "It's you, not a picture, it's you !" 

I was too upset to say anything else 

until Trina started talking to Mick 

and I realized he was just as nice as 

J I knew he'd be. Then all of us talked 

| about the show and England, but I 

j knew Trina was feeling the same way 

* I was. Calm on the surface only. 

Just then we heard a lot of noise 
n a room across the hall from us, so 
ve went. in. Practically all the per- 
il formers were there, watching closed 
I circuit television of the activities on 
I stage. 

"Linda," Trina exclaimed. "There's 

1 looked. It was him, all right. Half 
I asleep and half awake, drinking a 
| coke. 

He was so handsome, 1 just couldn't 
9 help myself. 1 just had to go over and 



talk to him, so 1 did. 

"Could I please have your auto- 
graph," I asked, trying not to get all 
tongue-tied the way I had with Mick. 
"Sure," he smiled. 

Trina came up at just that moment, 
got his autograph also, and then asked 
where Charlie w.is. 

"He's over there in the corner, 
sleeping," Brian told us. "That's what 
we all should be doing. We've been 
here since early this morning." 

"I guess they must really work you 
hard," Trina said. 

"They do, they do" And something 
in the way he said it made us realize 
chat he was kind of glad to have 
someone to talk to. And for this rea- 
son we suddenly found ourselves tell- 
ing him how we'd managed to get 
backstage. How I'd left my purse and 
all, so we could have the chance of 
meeting them. 

"We don't really belong back here," 
we confessed. 

Brian's sleepy face half smiled, then 
broke into a big grin. We still can't 
believe how shy and modesr he was 
about his success. He didn't try to 
act superior or anything. He was cas- 
ual and friendly about everything, just 
as though he wasn't a member of one 
of the most famous groups in the 
world. 

We would have loved to go on 
talking forever, but we knew he was 
tired so we turned our attention to 
Bill Wyman who had just stretched 
out in a nearby chair. 

Moments later I looked up to find 
Keith Richard standing next to me, 



even more handsome than in his 
photos. I know we talked with Keith 
for quite a while, but I don't remem- 
ber what we said. I was so dazed 
about all I could do was listen to the 
clear, cool British accents around me 
and look at Keith. Or at his identifi- 
cation bracelet, or his ring. 

Even in my fog, 1 knew ic was time 
for us to go back into the auditorium 
and lee che Scones gee a little rest. 

If only Keith would kiss me good- 
bye, I thought, knowing I'd never 
dream of asking him to. 

1 didn't realize that I'd said my 
wish aloud until Keith reached down 
and kissed me on the cheek. I never 
thought anything this wonderful could 
happen. Then I saw him kiss Trina, 
and we walked away, so happy we 
could have screamed. 

"What are you doing here," a voice i 
said as we entered the corridor. 

We dazedly showed our badges to 
the policeman who'd asked this ques- 

"You shouldn't be here," he said 
kindly. 

"We were just leaving," we an- 
swered. 

As he let us out the door, there 
were other girls clustered around, ask- 
ing for autographs. 

We knew how they felt. We'd been 
that way ourselves less than an hour 
ago. 

We also knew we'd been incredibly 
lucky, and that we'd never forget this 
wonderful night. 




(WRONG 




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SfDWMAfc MRMNA DK/NK? M,mMvt WtoTMWilk? 
MILK?/ HEY- ITHWHT ALL M POMS OKlNRBEERl Ufefc 
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CBi<5GEKGuffAw060D,Y007?£A FUNNY 0WE. r fflSHTJftMi 
ARE-' ONE CHOCOLATE MMic! Tfcai* .you WANNA STRAW? 
C6elly Uff). Dm. T don't OKAY, 0KAY L ENOUGH KIDttW' 
AROUND! IHEW10U6OT SOME W&TOPlN ME. Yes I 
do, rtqhfktt In my BEFORE \HE$ETIMOTMT,IMHH, 
SEEPROM YCWR LfTTER HERE THAT YO)R 8AN0? <ma> 
YOKED ONES", fflSHT? Yes. /t WELL A NAME'S A NAME 

mm 1 mimivtm «* KK jM%wp»mMH& 

LIKE I SAID, IT'S WM 7WWS, tflSHT? fftakt BUT! 7W/NK 
WE MIGHT HAVEA PROBLEM "WERE. CDESNTSOMBlWe 
.... Wtfl, CBS-LONP0N, HAUE A T01/ED0WES" S/6N£D? 
SOMEONE LIKE TW OVER THERE? YOU HEARD'A THATf 
iHmkyoafnaui'Tlie Only Ones*. "ONLY ONES"? NEVER 
HEARD (JFFM! UKEI Sfl/bjTS MtfDFQR f\N OLP 
S6UXER LIKE MB TO KEEP OP ON ALCA 7W5 STUFF. ANY- 
WAYS, ULTAKE YER WOflP RK IT. OKAY-LrTSTHftAP 
UP YOUR TAPE! mHT SOME MORE" M/UC? Jaw.30Aap - 
Itie^evrntK PIG PAP£K\ 6ee*o6<t a aupkqtf weeks 
ffouxaral ff's danqSo Wei/ -tUat f can IwWiy -fifod WH& 
■fo start wrk oniff 12- so busy I am tnjtag t> keep 
all my refail oottets sacked j^n^^i^florr^ n- 
fiflfnq prornpt/y tkPozen5 of 'wail- order request's II 
auess vtodt don't care a monkey's at>ooi ?H new 
shrinked format (Hell- 1 sUId ^ake PPM. 4podIewd- 
slzedDiatf- 
and letter*, 1 

ha* such a Fine and UNIQUE puHiL . 
circulation. The only sour-factually Amusm* fertheir 
naivete and tonorance^commehjs Pi/c riceived on 
P.P. 12 is rt Hey 7 Sary-howawe no coverage of 4/1 -toe 
Toronto bands?'', Well, here's my answer hTHRT: Ofay 
a/1 you /oca/ musicians and hangers-on — Hwe IWnute 
0W of youtejiTJS.PTOifcfoq Excitfnq,OrMnai rockW 
roll (alonq-fe call pit of /177 |//*|ctowe,s or Wp Teenaae 
Head , if foo WtnffMk Local^-ftei? Ill hear about (found 
Wiritf about fit. dot -fwe^ certainly No Place in my /rfe 
for the p/6 PAPEfOfbr yet more n%hboorhood km 

qpe-inqtfce latest Melody Mqker or NME sensQtiO!)$*b0 
SQMEWm PlFFERENT ftr chrisstfe , Will Ya ffl Stop 
/fSfenrno to the radio and TV. Nlow Yoor /nsfinctsl 
\MrifeMr OWN Sonos/ De/EiopYou^ Ol/I/W STYLES? 
RflckWroll's flot5(#o$ed to be fmfhrhVe ^nd feorrnq- 





- 7 0U - 

i-Vifs morning To-fte nexMstViata-former Loved Ont 
ta just taken nis o\wn life. AHkxfcVt our portfe ha\ie 
m crossed in many rnonths(hc enrolled last" 
fall in a drarna axrse oft a nearby community 
college),! still -ftougkt of+nis young man of+eii 
dnd-fhouqW of him as A Friend. I fjoess I'll nof 
need io^+hink of mm much anymore— Oddly 
enoaqVi rurooor reached -tht s|y -ftts aft frW 
alowa+he qroupvine -Horft ANOTHER ex- Loved 
OvieTf Kerys quite a few flocrtinq qroondpws 
fust been spotted \n iiae uiilcs of BrittsR 
Colombia- PLANTINGTREE51 My,my...C>at 
sMI -toy all remain available for comment in 
several years, when my biographer tmctef hem 
down? could be a VEW ex-urai One IS 
Letter (tor wl>-Hian a Ll\ie one), speaking ot 




(WRONG 




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r^ gmct piffs 




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"607" wi/// dojusf ttnt.GAW IT /STttEW/ 5a CWM /A/, , . 
SfDWMAfc MRMNA DK/NK? M,mMvt WtoTMWilk? 
MILK?/ HEY- ITHWHT ALL M POMS OKlNRBEERl Ufefc 
tete fry +0 clear one Wiw up. I dorft OH-AWM OKW StfW / 
PONK'S W ; R W HT? ftb'fe A "MEW/ W|/E(? W AWW fflWfTT 
0f?l57W/n" n AIEW/ l/MAWST*? $EEZ/M<JETWT00QLDTO 
K^&PUPWTH nUTHE^ESTfiMSIffUESS! ActtJtt%I 
f fcrnk W/UTA SEC MILK. VMS IT? SURE lOOCQULfrNTty 
FOR SOMETRWS STRONGER? rtowzaboot Choco/qte w7k? 
CBi<5GEKGuffAw060D,Y007?£A FUNNY 0WE. r fflSHTJftMi 
ARE-' ONE CHOCOLATE MMic! Tfcai* .you WANNA STRAW? 
C6elly Uff). Dm. T don't OKAY, 0KAY L ENOUGH KIDttW' 
AROUND! IHEW10U6OT SOME W&TOPlN ME. Yes I 
do, rtqhfktt In my BEFORE \HE$ETIMOTMT,IMHH, 
SEEPROM YCWR LfTTER HERE THAT YO)R 8AN0? <ma> 
YOKED ONES", fflSHT? Yes. /t WELL A NAME'S A NAME 

mm 1 mimivtm «* KK jM%wp»mMH& 

LIKE I SAID, IT'S WM 7WWS, tflSHT? fftakt BUT! 7W/NK 
WE MIGHT HAVEA PROBLEM "WERE. CDESNTSOMBlWe 
.... Wtfl, CBS-LONP0N, HAUE A T01/ED0WES" S/6N£D? 
SOMEONE LIKE TW OVER THERE? YOU HEARD'A THATf 
iHmkyoafnaui'Tlie Only Ones*. "ONLY ONES"? NEVER 
HEARD (JFFM! UKEI Sfl/bjTS MtfDFQR f\N OLP 
S6UXER LIKE MB TO KEEP OP ON ALCA 7W5 STUFF. ANY- 
WAYS, ULTAKE YER WOflP RK IT. OKAY-LrTSTHftAP 
UP YOUR TAPE! mHT SOME MORE" M/UC? Jaw.30Aap - 
Itie^evrntK PIG PAP£K\ 6ee*o6<t a aupkqtf weeks 
ffouxaral ff's danqSo Wei/ -tUat f can IwWiy -fifod WH& 
■fo start wrk oniff 12- so busy I am tnjtag t> keep 
all my refail oottets sacked j^n^^i^florr^ n- 
fiflfnq prornpt/y tkPozen5 of 'wail- order request's II 
auess vtodt don't care a monkey's at>ooi ?H new 
shrinked format (Hell- 1 sUId ^ake PPM. 4podIewd- 
slzedDiatf- 
and letter*, 1 

ha* such a Fine and UNIQUE puHiL . 
circulation. The only sour-factually Amusm* fertheir 
naivete and tonorance^commehjs Pi/c riceived on 
P.P. 12 is rt Hey 7 Sary-howawe no coverage of 4/1 -toe 
Toronto bands?'', Well, here's my answer hTHRT: Ofay 
a/1 you /oca/ musicians and hangers-on — Hwe IWnute 
0W of youtejiTJS.PTOifcfoq Excitfnq,OrMnai rockW 
roll (alonq-fe call pit of /177 |//*|ctowe,s or Wp Teenaae 
Head , if foo WtnffMk Local^-ftei? Ill hear about (found 
Wiritf about fit. dot -fwe^ certainly No Place in my /rfe 
for the p/6 PAPEfOfbr yet more n%hboorhood km 

qpe-inqtfce latest Melody Mqker or NME sensQtiO!)$*b0 
SQMEWm PlFFERENT ftr chrisstfe , Will Ya ffl Stop 
/fSfenrno to the radio and TV. Nlow Yoor /nsfinctsl 
\MrifeMr OWN Sonos/ De/EiopYou^ Ol/I/W STYLES? 
RflckWroll's flot5(#o$ed to be fmfhrhVe ^nd feorrnq- 





- 7 0U - 

i-Vifs morning To-fte nexMstViata-former Loved Ont 
ta just taken nis o\wn life. AHkxfcVt our portfe ha\ie 
m crossed in many rnonths(hc enrolled last" 
fall in a drarna axrse oft a nearby community 
college),! still -ftougkt of+nis young man of+eii 
dnd-fhouqW of him as A Friend. I fjoess I'll nof 
need io^+hink of mm much anymore— Oddly 
enoaqVi rurooor reached -tht s|y -ftts aft frW 
alowa+he qroupvine -Horft ANOTHER ex- Loved 
OvieTf Kerys quite a few flocrtinq qroondpws 
fust been spotted \n iiae uiilcs of BrittsR 
Colombia- PLANTINGTREE51 My,my...C>at 
sMI -toy all remain available for comment in 
several years, when my biographer tmctef hem 
down? could be a VEW ex-urai One IS 
Letter (tor wl>-Hian a Ll\ie one), speaking ot 




Yeah, bags 

survive, but is that any 
way to describe the again-resurgent 
MARIANNE FAITHFULL? I wasn't so sure, after 
seeing her on TV for the first time in four- 
teen years croaking in broken english two of 
her new anti-hits via "Saturday Night Live" 
(GOD, is that show going downhill!). "She 
sure doesn"t fit as provocatively into her 
black leather drainies as she did in '67", I 
thought, "But if you peer deep enough into 
her face, the old aura of North Country Maid 
can still faintly be detected, despite a 
decade of drugs V debauchery. , .". Imagine my 
delight when, 72 hours after switching off 
"SNL" in bewilderment, word reached the sty 
that Marianne was (will wonders never cease) 
IN TORONTO! I quickly cut my hair ("to look 
like his"), scarfed up my mini-tapey, and 
confronted her, mic-in-hand: 

MARIANNE! YOU'RE BACK! 
I know, I know, and Believe me, it hasn't 
been easy! I was sure I'd be washed up for- 
ever after being fired from the Sex Pistols 
movie. 

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN... 
If you wanna talk about the past, all I 
really have to say is I fell head-first 
into the, umm, I was gonna say Cruel, but... 
well, anyways, The world of rock'n'roll. I 
was a youngster in ewery sense of the word. 
V&ry naive. And I was manipulated, and still 
am. 

ANDREW LOOG OLDHAM SPOTTED YOU AT A PARTY IN 
...*65? 

I really can't remember when, but it was a 
long while back, yes. Andrew was busy show- 
ing off his prize boys, The Rolling Stones, 
and the next thing I knew I was in a record- 
ing studio! So I did "As Tears Go By", it 
was a hit, I was put on tour, I was made A 
Star, and... god, you know the rest... 
CARE TO DISCUSS THE STONES? 
Must I? Oh dear... Keith came on to me, but 
he was much too pimply. Brian came on to me, 
and although the desire WAS there, I just 
didn't have the strength to compete with what 
seemed like half of London's dolly-birds for 
him. He was so very special, nevertheless. 
Dear, dear. Anyways, Mick came on to me, and 
I sort of ended up with him eventually, des- 
pite the fact that his face was almost as 
spotty as Keith's! By this point, my marriage 
with John (DUNBAR) was collapsing, by mutual 



agreement... It was rock'n'roll, you see: It 
just engulfed me! It swept me along, picking 
many people up along the way and leaving many 
behind... forever, 

DO YOU LOOK BACK ON YOUR YEARS WITH MICK 
JAGGER AS HAPPY ONES? 

I look back on those years with much happi- 
ness and with much sadness. End Quote! 
I READ THAT YOU'D SEEN MICK AGAIN RECENTLY. 
Unfortunately, I did. 
UNFORTUNATELY? THE PAPERS SAID - 
- The papers said I had a pleasant little 
chat with him. I hardly call a dispute over 
royalties owed a pleasant little chat! 
"SISTER MORPHINE"? I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN RE- 
CEIVING YOUR WRITER'S ROYALTIES FOR THAT ALL 
ALONG. 

No. I've been getting bits here and there. 
Like pulling teeth. All I think is, How much 
of a dent in Mick and Keith's fucking milli- 
ons is my rightful claim of part ownership 
over one lousy song gonna cause? They're just 
greedy, tight, bastards - always have been. 
People like Marsha Hunt might let The Rolling 
Stones walk all over them for years, but not 
me. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I need 
that money! I have to eat too. 
AFTER ALL THOSE RECORDS, FILMS, AND THEATRI- 
CAL APPEARANCES YOU MADE IN THE SIXTIES, YOU 
ENDED UP BROKE? 

Of course! So I was a naive little kid grow- 
ing up in a rotten business: Show Business. 
So I got robbed blind. So what else is new? 
SHALL WE TALK ABOUT THE DRUGS? 
I turned to dope when everything around me 
was turning sour. Brian had been kil - had 
died, Mick was buggering off, "Girl On A 
Motorcycle" had been reduced to a Second 
Feature under "Charro" at a drive-in in 
Milwaukee... But I was strong. I fought long 
and hard with drugs, and eventually I won. I 
spent my time at the bottom of the trench, 
but I'm not ashamed. 

DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING THAT YOUR CURRENT 
NOTORIETY IS LARGELY BASED ON CURIOSITY 
RATHER THAN MUSICAL APPEAL? 
Do I ever get the feeling?! I KNOW it's based 
on curiosity. Morbid curiosity, I should 
suppose, and a touch of sadism even. "Come 
See A Burned-Out Relic! She Once Lived With 
Jagger! She Almost OD'dM". I take it all 
philosophically though: I am a sick singer 
for a sick world. 
GOOD ALBUM TITLE... 

Sshhh! Don't let anyone know! (MELANCHOLY 
LAUGHTER) I guess I'm the female 
Sid Vicious. I'm the one that 
got out of it alive. . , 





Yeah, bags 

survive, but is that any 
way to describe the again-resurgent 
MARIANNE FAITHFULL? I wasn't so sure, after 
seeing her on TV for the first time in four- 
teen years croaking in broken english two of 
her new anti-hits via "Saturday Night Live" 
(GOD, is that show going downhill!). "She 
sure doesn"t fit as provocatively into her 
black leather drainies as she did in '67", I 
thought, "But if you peer deep enough into 
her face, the old aura of North Country Maid 
can still faintly be detected, despite a 
decade of drugs V debauchery. , .". Imagine my 
delight when, 72 hours after switching off 
"SNL" in bewilderment, word reached the sty 
that Marianne was (will wonders never cease) 
IN TORONTO! I quickly cut my hair ("to look 
like his"), scarfed up my mini-tapey, and 
confronted her, mic-in-hand: 

MARIANNE! YOU'RE BACK! 
I know, I know, and Believe me, it hasn't 
been easy! I was sure I'd be washed up for- 
ever after being fired from the Sex Pistols 
movie. 

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN... 
If you wanna talk about the past, all I 
really have to say is I fell head-first 
into the, umm, I was gonna say Cruel, but... 
well, anyways, The world of rock'n'roll. I 
was a youngster in ewery sense of the word. 
V&ry naive. And I was manipulated, and still 
am. 

ANDREW LOOG OLDHAM SPOTTED YOU AT A PARTY IN 
...*65? 

I really can't remember when, but it was a 
long while back, yes. Andrew was busy show- 
ing off his prize boys, The Rolling Stones, 
and the next thing I knew I was in a record- 
ing studio! So I did "As Tears Go By", it 
was a hit, I was put on tour, I was made A 
Star, and... god, you know the rest... 
CARE TO DISCUSS THE STONES? 
Must I? Oh dear... Keith came on to me, but 
he was much too pimply. Brian came on to me, 
and although the desire WAS there, I just 
didn't have the strength to compete with what 
seemed like half of London's dolly-birds for 
him. He was so very special, nevertheless. 
Dear, dear. Anyways, Mick came on to me, and 
I sort of ended up with him eventually, des- 
pite the fact that his face was almost as 
spotty as Keith's! By this point, my marriage 
with John (DUNBAR) was collapsing, by mutual 



agreement... It was rock'n'roll, you see: It 
just engulfed me! It swept me along, picking 
many people up along the way and leaving many 
behind... forever, 

DO YOU LOOK BACK ON YOUR YEARS WITH MICK 
JAGGER AS HAPPY ONES? 

I look back on those years with much happi- 
ness and with much sadness. End Quote! 
I READ THAT YOU'D SEEN MICK AGAIN RECENTLY. 
Unfortunately, I did. 
UNFORTUNATELY? THE PAPERS SAID - 
- The papers said I had a pleasant little 
chat with him. I hardly call a dispute over 
royalties owed a pleasant little chat! 
"SISTER MORPHINE"? I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN RE- 
CEIVING YOUR WRITER'S ROYALTIES FOR THAT ALL 
ALONG. 

No. I've been getting bits here and there. 
Like pulling teeth. All I think is, How much 
of a dent in Mick and Keith's fucking milli- 
ons is my rightful claim of part ownership 
over one lousy song gonna cause? They're just 
greedy, tight, bastards - always have been. 
People like Marsha Hunt might let The Rolling 
Stones walk all over them for years, but not 
me. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I need 
that money! I have to eat too. 
AFTER ALL THOSE RECORDS, FILMS, AND THEATRI- 
CAL APPEARANCES YOU MADE IN THE SIXTIES, YOU 
ENDED UP BROKE? 

Of course! So I was a naive little kid grow- 
ing up in a rotten business: Show Business. 
So I got robbed blind. So what else is new? 
SHALL WE TALK ABOUT THE DRUGS? 
I turned to dope when everything around me 
was turning sour. Brian had been kil - had 
died, Mick was buggering off, "Girl On A 
Motorcycle" had been reduced to a Second 
Feature under "Charro" at a drive-in in 
Milwaukee... But I was strong. I fought long 
and hard with drugs, and eventually I won. I 
spent my time at the bottom of the trench, 
but I'm not ashamed. 

DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING THAT YOUR CURRENT 
NOTORIETY IS LARGELY BASED ON CURIOSITY 
RATHER THAN MUSICAL APPEAL? 
Do I ever get the feeling?! I KNOW it's based 
on curiosity. Morbid curiosity, I should 
suppose, and a touch of sadism even. "Come 
See A Burned-Out Relic! She Once Lived With 
Jagger! She Almost OD'dM". I take it all 
philosophically though: I am a sick singer 
for a sick world. 
GOOD ALBUM TITLE... 

Sshhh! Don't let anyone know! (MELANCHOLY 
LAUGHTER) I guess I'm the female 
Sid Vicious. I'm the one that 
got out of it alive. . , 




WHY HUSH 

pjprobys 
record: 

("I NEED LOVE") 

I JOHN! PAUL! GEORGE! RINGO! - "THE BEATLES"- ADMIRED "P. J. PROBY" 

SO MUCH THAT THEY THEMSELVES INTRODUCED THIS GREAT PERFORMER AND 
SINGING STAR ON A WORLD WIDE TELEVISION SPECTACULAR! NOW IF "THE 
BEATLES" THINK THAT "P. J. PROBY" IS GREAT! AND WE THINK THAT "P. J. 
| PROBY" IS GREAT! THEN . . . 

WHY? WHY? WHY? 

J IS THIS GREAT RECORDING SUNG BY "P. J. PROBY" THE MOST WHISPERED AND 
TALKED ABOUT RECORD IN HOLLYWOOD AND LONDON? COULD THAT ■WILDEST" 
PERFORMANCE IN ENGLAND BY "P. J. PROBY" HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH 
THjIS RECORD "I NEED LOVE?" COULD IT BE THE LYRICS? COULD THAT HAVE SET 
OFF THE WHISPERS? IF EVER RELEASED WE PREDICT THIS RECORD WILL BE THE 
NUMBER ONE HIT THROUGHOUT THE WORLD! NOW HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO 
HAVE A COLLECTORS ITEM!!! FOR ALL "BEATLES" AND "P. J. PROBY" FANS! ... 
TO GET THIS RECORD!!! WHILE THEY LAST!!! FOR YOUR RUSH ORDER SEND ONE 

| DOLLAR ($1.00) TO; 

Hollywood House 

6425 HOLLYWOOD BLVD. • HOLLYWOOD. CALIF. 90028 



The Strange Case of John Lennon 



Please rush my record ' 
one dollar ($1.00). 

NAHF 


1 NEED LOVE" suny by "P. J. PROBY" for whic 


h 1 enclose 


ADDRFSS 


CITY 











h rFC*.g ^{o =g 



^«£tl*I#i4lS^ 



5! Z.o L.2 G.o *« ^o SEg 

Ho v> 2-S ° -*" osr w n» a; L^SBAfli^fe 
"?S o s.1 s 8 5" I 3 5 »« S o - 






a- •• 3 : »pf 



Pigsclusive J AD Pix care of 
LINDA MA.TLCW (Filmharmonic) 



"Be sure and play our 
new album, Instant Replay, 

for your parents. 

We think they'll like it less 

than anything we've 

done before." 



S'£> 





.±M 



COLGEMS. 

Manufactured & Distributed by RCA RECORDS 




The reason I'm filling up the next few pages 
on John Lennon is, first of all, I'm disgusted 
at all the notice his fellow ex-Beatles (espec- 
ially Paul "Hey! I Write Songs With My Wife And 
Kids In The Sack" -McCartney) are unexplicably 
continuing to demand. I mean, even Ringo got in 
the news awhile back when his Beverley Hills 
Beatle Museum caught fire, as George continues 
his life-long search for A Billion Bucks whilst 
lurking behind a facade of curry-dip religious- 
ness. But heavens-to-betsy, retirement rumours 
aside, have you all forgotten about The Chief 
Beatle? 

Secondly, this article is being written be- 
cause, aside from "(You're The) Devil In Dis- 
guise", "The Martian Hop", and The Everly Bros., 
John Lennon (along with, I'll admit, Paul, 
Ringo, and whatshisname) single-handedly spared 
me from a fate of nine-to-five bed-and-washbasin 
defeat by injecting me with an incurable dose of 
rock'n'roll fever. This imbedded me firmly upon 
The Right Track, which I continue to pursue to 
this day (against all odds). In short, John 
Lennon Changed My Life. 

I can still vividly recall, as if it were 
yesterday, a cold Friday afternoon in December 
1963 when, en route home from math, my funny 
friend Paul Davis invited me downstairs into his 
sister's linoleumed rec-room to hear a song 
called "I Saw Her Standing There". I stood tran- 
sfixed as the distinctive yellow/orange Capitol 
45 swirled its raunch throughout the basement. 
"Play it again" I instructed my pal for the next 
several hours. When I got home for dinner that 
night, I proudly announced to mom and pop that 
I'd now decided what I wanted to be when I grew 
up: A ROCK'N'ROLL STAR. (Being only eight at the 
time, my folks insisted I'd become an archaeol- 
ogist once I came to my senses. HA!) As if to 
reinforce my quest, John's band appeared on "The 
Ed Sullivan Show" six weeks later and I just 
KNEW I had to have a guitar. But, I keep for- 
getting, this is The Strange Case Of John Lennon 
not Gary The Pig. 

You should 've all learned by now in History 
class of John's pre-Beatle life (born forty 
years ago in Liverpool at the height of the Nazi 
air-raids; his father deserted him and his 
mother was gished beneath a car; he bullied his 
way through a variety of schools under the guise 
of Teddy Boy (see cover) in order to mask a 
hopelessly insecure interior). "Nothing really 
affected me until Elvis", John once recalled, and 
by 1956 he'd formed his first band, which several 
years and personnel changes later became you- 
know-who. 

Back in those days, John convinced himself 
that he was A Genius, and that "I had to become 
a millionaire. If I couldn't do it without having 



WHY HUSH 

pjprobys 
record: 

("I NEED LOVE") 

I JOHN! PAUL! GEORGE! RINGO! - "THE BEATLES"- ADMIRED "P. J. PROBY" 

SO MUCH THAT THEY THEMSELVES INTRODUCED THIS GREAT PERFORMER AND 
SINGING STAR ON A WORLD WIDE TELEVISION SPECTACULAR! NOW IF "THE 
BEATLES" THINK THAT "P. J. PROBY" IS GREAT! AND WE THINK THAT "P. J. 
| PROBY" IS GREAT! THEN . . . 

WHY? WHY? WHY? 

J IS THIS GREAT RECORDING SUNG BY "P. J. PROBY" THE MOST WHISPERED AND 
TALKED ABOUT RECORD IN HOLLYWOOD AND LONDON? COULD THAT ■WILDEST" 
PERFORMANCE IN ENGLAND BY "P. J. PROBY" HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH 
THjIS RECORD "I NEED LOVE?" COULD IT BE THE LYRICS? COULD THAT HAVE SET 
OFF THE WHISPERS? IF EVER RELEASED WE PREDICT THIS RECORD WILL BE THE 
NUMBER ONE HIT THROUGHOUT THE WORLD! NOW HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO 
HAVE A COLLECTORS ITEM!!! FOR ALL "BEATLES" AND "P. J. PROBY" FANS! ... 
TO GET THIS RECORD!!! WHILE THEY LAST!!! FOR YOUR RUSH ORDER SEND ONE 

| DOLLAR ($1.00) TO; 

Hollywood House 

6425 HOLLYWOOD BLVD. • HOLLYWOOD. CALIF. 90028 



The Strange Case of John Lennon 



Please rush my record ' 
one dollar ($1.00). 

NAHF 


1 NEED LOVE" suny by "P. J. PROBY" for whic 


h 1 enclose 


ADDRFSS 


CITY 











h rFC*.g ^{o =g 



^«£tl*I#i4lS^ 



5! Z.o L.2 G.o *« ^o SEg 

Ho v> 2-S ° -*" osr w n» a; L^SBAfli^fe 
"?S o s.1 s 8 5" I 3 5 »« S o - 






a- •• 3 : »pf 



Pigsclusive J AD Pix care of 
LINDA MA.TLCW (Filmharmonic) 



"Be sure and play our 
new album, Instant Replay, 

for your parents. 

We think they'll like it less 

than anything we've 

done before." 



S'£> 





.±M 



COLGEMS. 

Manufactured & Distributed by RCA RECORDS 




The reason I'm filling up the next few pages 
on John Lennon is, first of all, I'm disgusted 
at all the notice his fellow ex-Beatles (espec- 
ially Paul "Hey! I Write Songs With My Wife And 
Kids In The Sack" -McCartney) are unexplicably 
continuing to demand. I mean, even Ringo got in 
the news awhile back when his Beverley Hills 
Beatle Museum caught fire, as George continues 
his life-long search for A Billion Bucks whilst 
lurking behind a facade of curry-dip religious- 
ness. But heavens-to-betsy, retirement rumours 
aside, have you all forgotten about The Chief 
Beatle? 

Secondly, this article is being written be- 
cause, aside from "(You're The) Devil In Dis- 
guise", "The Martian Hop", and The Everly Bros., 
John Lennon (along with, I'll admit, Paul, 
Ringo, and whatshisname) single-handedly spared 
me from a fate of nine-to-five bed-and-washbasin 
defeat by injecting me with an incurable dose of 
rock'n'roll fever. This imbedded me firmly upon 
The Right Track, which I continue to pursue to 
this day (against all odds). In short, John 
Lennon Changed My Life. 

I can still vividly recall, as if it were 
yesterday, a cold Friday afternoon in December 
1963 when, en route home from math, my funny 
friend Paul Davis invited me downstairs into his 
sister's linoleumed rec-room to hear a song 
called "I Saw Her Standing There". I stood tran- 
sfixed as the distinctive yellow/orange Capitol 
45 swirled its raunch throughout the basement. 
"Play it again" I instructed my pal for the next 
several hours. When I got home for dinner that 
night, I proudly announced to mom and pop that 
I'd now decided what I wanted to be when I grew 
up: A ROCK'N'ROLL STAR. (Being only eight at the 
time, my folks insisted I'd become an archaeol- 
ogist once I came to my senses. HA!) As if to 
reinforce my quest, John's band appeared on "The 
Ed Sullivan Show" six weeks later and I just 
KNEW I had to have a guitar. But, I keep for- 
getting, this is The Strange Case Of John Lennon 
not Gary The Pig. 

You should 've all learned by now in History 
class of John's pre-Beatle life (born forty 
years ago in Liverpool at the height of the Nazi 
air-raids; his father deserted him and his 
mother was gished beneath a car; he bullied his 
way through a variety of schools under the guise 
of Teddy Boy (see cover) in order to mask a 
hopelessly insecure interior). "Nothing really 
affected me until Elvis", John once recalled, and 
by 1956 he'd formed his first band, which several 
years and personnel changes later became you- 
know-who. 

Back in those days, John convinced himself 
that he was A Genius, and that "I had to become 
a millionaire. If I couldn't do it without having 



to be crooked, then I'd have to be crooked". 
All whose paths crossed his during that long- 
gone era came away either hating or admiring 
this loutish young ted (usually hating). No 
matter: For everyone who knocked his band or 
his stance, our hero simply jutted out his jaw 
in Damn You defiance and swore he'd press for- 
ward regardless. This one facet of John's multi- 
dimensional character played no small role in 
making Lennon what he was, and perhaps still is: 
This often blind and unjustifiable determination 
not only propelled him and his fellow Beatles to 
ultrafame (more popular than Christ at one point 
remember?), but kept him (in)famous long after 
the Fab Four dissolved. 

"Stubborn", "Pig-headed", "Ambitious as hell" 
is how Lennon has been remembered from the late 
Fifties/very early Sixties. "Seeing as I write 
most of the songs, I should be the leader of The 
Beatles", an equally ambitious yet obviously 
cretin Paul McCartney reportedly scolded John 
over and over again before success (and Brian 
Epstein) plucked their quartet out of Northern 
England forever. "Fuck Off" was Lennon's usual 
reply, laughing like a maniac whilst downing 
more drink. 

By 1965, John had achieved his goal of having 
a million dollars (well, so he was told), and 
found himself one of the four most popular 
creatures on earth to boot. Yet acclaim did not 
rest easily upon him. He filled his mansion with 
gorilla suits and Rolls Royces. He filled his 
body with practically every narcotic known to 
man. Three years later, he abandoned his Liver- 
pool wife and son to marry a Japanese conceptual 
artist named Yoko. A year after that, he broke 
up his band. 

It's been over a decade since those moment- 
ous events shook John's life. During these ten 
years, he has re- 
leased several al- 
bums which range in 
sanely from the tense] 
(JOHN LENNON/PLASTIC 
ONO BAND) to the 
pitiful (MIND GAMES) 
to the comic (SOME 
TIME IN NEW YORK 
CITY) and nostalgic 
(ROCK AND ROLL). 
Since 1974, John's 
done nothing except 
haggle in courts 
with government off- 
icials and ex- 
managers (and, oh 
yeah: he produced 
another son and 
raised some cows). 
He splits his time 
in New York between 
a farm on the tip of 
Long Island and (see 
"Rosemary's Baby") a 
luxury apartment 
over-looking Central 
Park. Besides in- 
frequent jaunts to 
Los Angeles and Japan 
he goes nowhere. 
Disillusioned over 
the death of his 
mentor E.Presley and 
uneasy over his own 
apprehensive entry 
into a very un-rock' 



The unveiling of two ears 
and a forehead 

The disguise couldn't be better if 
he wore a wig. It's John Lennon, 
the book-writing Beatle. making a 
movie without his partners. For 
his role as a British tommy, John 
sacrificed his Beatlelocks. Rumors 
ditYered: would the clippings be 
enshrined in a museum or sold, 
strand by strand, to collectors? 





n'roll middle age (counting the hairs that fall 
Into his sink), It's been reported by a New 
York City neighbour that the former Fab Fourth 
can often be heard wailing old Beatles songs in 
his kitchen with an acoustic guitar late into 
the night. Poor John. 

You see, dumb as they may often have been 
(evident particularly throughout their last 
dozen-or-so LPs), The Beatles meant the world 
to their founder Mr. Lennon. That's why he app- 
eared the most bitching and barko when The 
Split Inevitably arrived; that's why he remains 
1n the words of his ex-gofer Anthony "I Used To 
Hang Out At Apple" Fawcett, "the most bitter, 
and now the most saddened, over the break-up". 

No doubt it's 
this smarting 
that keeps 
John, ironi- 
cally in a 
way, the one 
Beatle most 
ANTI-reunion. 
I could easily 
see them 
others Beatling 
again at the 
drop of a hat 
(or a billion- 
or-two) : George 
for the money, Paul for the headlines, and Ringo 
for the night out I suppose. But John still 
RESPECTS The Beatles far too much to allow him 
to resurrect it all uncaringly (unless for a 
Great reason, like perhaps a PIG PAPER benefit?) 

Anyways, before this piece degenerates into 
yet another creamy Beatles analysis, let us re- 
turn to John Lennon: The Man (or is it The 
Myth?) 

Although I'm not yer average blocked-up 
druggied veg-rocker, I repeatedly find visions 
of JL materializing within my bonnie brain. 
Strange mind/ear pictures of an old rocker re- 
gretfully entering the September Of His Years, 
standing in front of his bathroom mirror with 
an assortment of the latest NYC-chic headwear 
with which to trendfully camouflage an ever- 
receeding hairline. (Should John ever choose to 
make that fateful public reappearance, nothing 
would be more embarrasing - Shocking - PITIFUL 
than a balding ex-Mop Top!). Or, picture him in 
front of an oldies-stuffed jukebox in his play- 
room, baby on one knee and a dog-eared Beatles 
scrapbook on the other, as "Be My Baby" blares 
away for the umpteenth time. Howzabout John 
lounging in bed, bathed in cigarette smoke and 
television glow, sadly (bitterly?) punching the 
set off with a remote-control device halfway 
through yet another Rock Revival show chock-ful 
of vintage Fab Four footage. Such are the 
images that haunt MY rock'n'roll nightmares day 
after day. What about Yours? What About 
John's?! 

Meanwhile, a pile of agressive Beatlemaniacs 
are still rumbling "Hey! Where's the new 
Lennon LP? He got no right making us wait six 
or seven years between albums!". But gee whiz, 
don'tcha think John's paid his debt to society 
and deserves an off spell so he can, grow cows 
even? I sure think so. Besides, perhaps (in 
the words of Formerly The Mods): "No News Is 
Good News". Remember the gigantic let-down we 
all felt when that other slumbering Sixties 
giant resurfaced with FIFTEEN BIG ONES? Point 

made. 

Yet if rumours are to be believed for a 



to be crooked, then I'd have to be crooked". 
All whose paths crossed his during that long- 
gone era came away either hating or admiring 
this loutish young ted (usually hating). No 
matter: For everyone who knocked his band or 
his stance, our hero simply jutted out his jaw 
in Damn You defiance and swore he'd press for- 
ward regardless. This one facet of John's multi- 
dimensional character played no small role in 
making Lennon what he was, and perhaps still is: 
This often blind and unjustifiable determination 
not only propelled him and his fellow Beatles to 
ultrafame (more popular than Christ at one point 
remember?), but kept him (in)famous long after 
the Fab Four dissolved. 

"Stubborn", "Pig-headed", "Ambitious as hell" 
is how Lennon has been remembered from the late 
Fifties/very early Sixties. "Seeing as I write 
most of the songs, I should be the leader of The 
Beatles", an equally ambitious yet obviously 
cretin Paul McCartney reportedly scolded John 
over and over again before success (and Brian 
Epstein) plucked their quartet out of Northern 
England forever. "Fuck Off" was Lennon's usual 
reply, laughing like a maniac whilst downing 
more drink. 

By 1965, John had achieved his goal of having 
a million dollars (well, so he was told), and 
found himself one of the four most popular 
creatures on earth to boot. Yet acclaim did not 
rest easily upon him. He filled his mansion with 
gorilla suits and Rolls Royces. He filled his 
body with practically every narcotic known to 
man. Three years later, he abandoned his Liver- 
pool wife and son to marry a Japanese conceptual 
artist named Yoko. A year after that, he broke 
up his band. 

It's been over a decade since those moment- 
ous events shook John's life. During these ten 
years, he has re- 
leased several al- 
bums which range in 
sanely from the tense] 
(JOHN LENNON/PLASTIC 
ONO BAND) to the 
pitiful (MIND GAMES) 
to the comic (SOME 
TIME IN NEW YORK 
CITY) and nostalgic 
(ROCK AND ROLL). 
Since 1974, John's 
done nothing except 
haggle in courts 
with government off- 
icials and ex- 
managers (and, oh 
yeah: he produced 
another son and 
raised some cows). 
He splits his time 
in New York between 
a farm on the tip of 
Long Island and (see 
"Rosemary's Baby") a 
luxury apartment 
over-looking Central 
Park. Besides in- 
frequent jaunts to 
Los Angeles and Japan 
he goes nowhere. 
Disillusioned over 
the death of his 
mentor E.Presley and 
uneasy over his own 
apprehensive entry 
into a very un-rock' 



The unveiling of two ears 
and a forehead 

The disguise couldn't be better if 
he wore a wig. It's John Lennon, 
the book-writing Beatle. making a 
movie without his partners. For 
his role as a British tommy, John 
sacrificed his Beatlelocks. Rumors 
ditYered: would the clippings be 
enshrined in a museum or sold, 
strand by strand, to collectors? 





n'roll middle age (counting the hairs that fall 
Into his sink), It's been reported by a New 
York City neighbour that the former Fab Fourth 
can often be heard wailing old Beatles songs in 
his kitchen with an acoustic guitar late into 
the night. Poor John. 

You see, dumb as they may often have been 
(evident particularly throughout their last 
dozen-or-so LPs), The Beatles meant the world 
to their founder Mr. Lennon. That's why he app- 
eared the most bitching and barko when The 
Split Inevitably arrived; that's why he remains 
1n the words of his ex-gofer Anthony "I Used To 
Hang Out At Apple" Fawcett, "the most bitter, 
and now the most saddened, over the break-up". 

No doubt it's 
this smarting 
that keeps 
John, ironi- 
cally in a 
way, the one 
Beatle most 
ANTI-reunion. 
I could easily 
see them 
others Beatling 
again at the 
drop of a hat 
(or a billion- 
or-two) : George 
for the money, Paul for the headlines, and Ringo 
for the night out I suppose. But John still 
RESPECTS The Beatles far too much to allow him 
to resurrect it all uncaringly (unless for a 
Great reason, like perhaps a PIG PAPER benefit?) 

Anyways, before this piece degenerates into 
yet another creamy Beatles analysis, let us re- 
turn to John Lennon: The Man (or is it The 
Myth?) 

Although I'm not yer average blocked-up 
druggied veg-rocker, I repeatedly find visions 
of JL materializing within my bonnie brain. 
Strange mind/ear pictures of an old rocker re- 
gretfully entering the September Of His Years, 
standing in front of his bathroom mirror with 
an assortment of the latest NYC-chic headwear 
with which to trendfully camouflage an ever- 
receeding hairline. (Should John ever choose to 
make that fateful public reappearance, nothing 
would be more embarrasing - Shocking - PITIFUL 
than a balding ex-Mop Top!). Or, picture him in 
front of an oldies-stuffed jukebox in his play- 
room, baby on one knee and a dog-eared Beatles 
scrapbook on the other, as "Be My Baby" blares 
away for the umpteenth time. Howzabout John 
lounging in bed, bathed in cigarette smoke and 
television glow, sadly (bitterly?) punching the 
set off with a remote-control device halfway 
through yet another Rock Revival show chock-ful 
of vintage Fab Four footage. Such are the 
images that haunt MY rock'n'roll nightmares day 
after day. What about Yours? What About 
John's?! 

Meanwhile, a pile of agressive Beatlemaniacs 
are still rumbling "Hey! Where's the new 
Lennon LP? He got no right making us wait six 
or seven years between albums!". But gee whiz, 
don'tcha think John's paid his debt to society 
and deserves an off spell so he can, grow cows 
even? I sure think so. Besides, perhaps (in 
the words of Formerly The Mods): "No News Is 
Good News". Remember the gigantic let-down we 
all felt when that other slumbering Sixties 
giant resurfaced with FIFTEEN BIG ONES? Point 

made. 

Yet if rumours are to be believed for a 



change, John may not be spending his entire re- 
cess writing, as Yoko recently teased, "The 
first and last Beatles book" (that'd be neat!). 
Reports from in and around the giant recording 
factories of New York and El Lay suggest that 
(Fasten Your Headsets!) a NEW John Lennon Album 
Is NOW In The Works, and it's gonna be a Dandy! 
(it had better be: he's had long enough to make 
it...). Not only that, but John's gonna manufac- 
ture, release, distribute, and promote his newest 
creation Himself. WHAT RALLS! Only a nut-case 
the calibre of John Lennon would snub the entire 
megabucksnewmajorlabelsuperstardeal syndrome des- 
pite the fact that his credos as ex-Fab means he 
could certainly take advantage of it. Christ: 
he'll probably rent a post office box in Grand 
Central Station, visit it twice a week to collect 
the cheques and money orders, and return to his 
kitchen where he'll busily package discs, address 
'em, stamp' em, and mail 'em out to the lucky 
buyers. Reminds me of the good old dj 
Records for crying out loud! Roy, wji«- ■ ■' M 
the-wall kinda guy John was and, Ttl«^0|/CS| 
still is! Boy oh boy, can you heli JO°ftW& ! 
sure can't! Never in my wildest mi 
could I have dreamed up a stunt like that, al 
then have the nerve to waste^ 
Pages writing about it! Foi 
will he think of next? It's a Lau< 
With Lennon to be sure! Not sincj 
toilet seats and^prnflakes 'n'beer^w., |nV* 

[iHI^INNON LORE RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED 
I TO THAT OTHER GREAT LENNON LOVER, KEVIN 
|" I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY SO I'LL 
I GO" CHRISTOFF, AND TO JL HIMSELF, WHO I 
[HOPE TELLS HIS DOORMAN TO LET ME IN WHEN 
|l PERSONALLY DELIVER A COPY OF PI G #12. 



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qavJetierafrceA0T06RAPHfPa>pY of % Brians 
J aiHren 45.M euenThat djdrft spark muck of a. 
reaction. Rotky n>B is a deadlyqamk-.UiWii bc-Hit 

Ifs a/so a FolfMmtmt N*1m(h, in vipi of Mfc 



Sen O^OFTHE O^^lS^S0r L „, 

s+iwibled -fovvards-fiic receiver; Vwrffcer (ceyd- 
up local -trendy W Wdenhq why he wasrft ntenffoTi- 
ed in-mg latest f&h s Kali- it WK>(»oek'tt M erry 

On Education 



Time for more 
use of the rod 



Our high school kids are building a 
terrible public Image for themselves 
and they're getting a very bad press. 

Look at just three stories that have 
made headlines in the last couple of 
weeks. 

Many elderly people in Metro Toronto 
are afraid to be out on the streets or in 
the subway after 3 p.m. because that's 
when the high schools get out. That 
atory, quoting counsellors for Metro 
senior citizens, got a big play in the Sun 
on Feb. 21. 

Ontario is going to start putting all 
new teen-age drivers on probation for at 
least two years because such drivers, 
most of them high school students, have 
such terrible driving and accident rec- 
ords. That got Page One treatment. 

High school principals, at their annual 
meeting in Toronto, called for tougher 
treatment by courts of student drug 
pushers. They told of widespread drug 
use and trafficking in high schools and 
said many teachers refuse to blow the 
whistle on the teen-age junkies because 
they're afraid of having their tires 
slashed and their lives threatened. 



stable and stops change* from occur- 
ring too rapidly. 

The system Isn't working well right 
now, though. I suggest it's because the 
adult community nas become weak In 
playing its important pert. 



We haven't been keeping our kids in 
line. We haven't been giving them defi- 
nite behavior limits. We haven't been 
cracking down hard on violent behavior, 
on drag use and on cruy driving that 
threatens the lives of the kids and other 



I know that through the ages, older 
generations have always believed that 
kids were going to hell in a handcart. 



One of the natural functions of kids Is to 
test their elders and challenge existing 
beliefs, values and laws. That's good. It 
keeps humanity from stagnating. 

But adults have an Important func- 
tion, too. Their function is to control the 
kids, to keep them in line and stop them 
from going too far in experimentation, 
defiance of laws and moral values. This 
is good. It keeps society resonably 



Instead, on television, in movies and 
in punk rock music, all of which are 
created by adulta for profit, we've been 
tacitly encouraging the worst and most 
dangerous kinds of behavior. Judy La 
Marsh pointed this out explicitly in her 
report on violence in the media and she 
was absolutely right. Nothing has been 
done about it. 

Something will happen, though. I'm 
willing to guess what It will be. 

If we continue to let our kids run wild, 
eventually there will be a very strong 
reaction against them by society In 
general. We'll see demands for harsh 
Taws and harsh punishments. Schools 
will be forced to very stiff discipline. 
Reform schools will be re-estahflsbed 
and a tot of kids will become pariahs, 
hated and shunned by society. 

To avoid this, parents, schools and 
society need to re-establish control of 
teen-agers now, with reasonable but 
firm discipline. The eventual price of no 
discipline nearly always turns out to be 
cmefand 



Lee Leu)is{u)hom I met la&t fall whilst on a City Of 
Memphis Official EluisSi<?hts«rinq"Toor;™fc> 



„ll bNlSbI<?hT««nqTour,. 

pio.-fta (sThe Killer speaKin &mtvt cadcfcn : 
'raw! to my i 



Iota-distance drawl to my drew, wqe 
ear? "Jost tell we on£tnim^4n";ne fie 



% 



;>ure you aia, jerry Leei ~ i/cmt 
While all 1km others, was sfrwM 

-fauQhftViem afri^inqertwo.HELi, I fagted 



ancUand..., VSbit! I out-lbfe, 

>msh fek5,didtftl? I sure a* hell 
all atw 



damn fcrH 



Didrvv » And ,of cfc^hatcoolf) I do except' 




^mily.and^sow^m^Pcppite Himself! X 
proceeded It) assure The Ki Heh-ttiat Yes. Vewn^ 

The Genuine Articles a 100% .LTfe-Ur^ Tn*£- 
ftlue Rock'n 7 Roller HiitouqW And Throogt,. He re- 
sponded! ' { Ok%mnft\tXmw(imw is".... 
and T kriftvu Mat was amm,%o uns fetter? 
Meor x E"?"U>Wri whatarodrawfoTftlS? 
Imumbled sotwthiWQ about notwtift) meprv 

-the spot c6z ; Gosyt% being Neil ScAm frirHi- 



change, John may not be spending his entire re- 
cess writing, as Yoko recently teased, "The 
first and last Beatles book" (that'd be neat!). 
Reports from in and around the giant recording 
factories of New York and El Lay suggest that 
(Fasten Your Headsets!) a NEW John Lennon Album 
Is NOW In The Works, and it's gonna be a Dandy! 
(it had better be: he's had long enough to make 
it...). Not only that, but John's gonna manufac- 
ture, release, distribute, and promote his newest 
creation Himself. WHAT RALLS! Only a nut-case 
the calibre of John Lennon would snub the entire 
megabucksnewmajorlabelsuperstardeal syndrome des- 
pite the fact that his credos as ex-Fab means he 
could certainly take advantage of it. Christ: 
he'll probably rent a post office box in Grand 
Central Station, visit it twice a week to collect 
the cheques and money orders, and return to his 
kitchen where he'll busily package discs, address 
'em, stamp' em, and mail 'em out to the lucky 
buyers. Reminds me of the good old dj 
Records for crying out loud! Roy, wji«- ■ ■' M 
the-wall kinda guy John was and, Ttl«^0|/CS| 
still is! Boy oh boy, can you heli JO°ftW& ! 
sure can't! Never in my wildest mi 
could I have dreamed up a stunt like that, al 
then have the nerve to waste^ 
Pages writing about it! Foi 
will he think of next? It's a Lau< 
With Lennon to be sure! Not sincj 
toilet seats and^prnflakes 'n'beer^w., |nV* 

[iHI^INNON LORE RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED 
I TO THAT OTHER GREAT LENNON LOVER, KEVIN 
|" I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY SO I'LL 
I GO" CHRISTOFF, AND TO JL HIMSELF, WHO I 
[HOPE TELLS HIS DOORMAN TO LET ME IN WHEN 
|l PERSONALLY DELIVER A COPY OF PI G #12. 



soiddc.Bov.dkid Marianne eviersasm bedmcwted-I 
qavJetierafrceA0T06RAPHfPa>pY of % Brians 
J aiHren 45.M euenThat djdrft spark muck of a. 
reaction. Rotky n>B is a deadlyqamk-.UiWii bc-Hit 

Ifs a/so a FolfMmtmt N*1m(h, in vipi of Mfc 



Sen O^OFTHE O^^lS^S0r L „, 

s+iwibled -fovvards-fiic receiver; Vwrffcer (ceyd- 
up local -trendy W Wdenhq why he wasrft ntenffoTi- 
ed in-mg latest f&h s Kali- it WK>(»oek'tt M erry 

On Education 



Time for more 
use of the rod 



Our high school kids are building a 
terrible public Image for themselves 
and they're getting a very bad press. 

Look at just three stories that have 
made headlines in the last couple of 
weeks. 

Many elderly people in Metro Toronto 
are afraid to be out on the streets or in 
the subway after 3 p.m. because that's 
when the high schools get out. That 
atory, quoting counsellors for Metro 
senior citizens, got a big play in the Sun 
on Feb. 21. 

Ontario is going to start putting all 
new teen-age drivers on probation for at 
least two years because such drivers, 
most of them high school students, have 
such terrible driving and accident rec- 
ords. That got Page One treatment. 

High school principals, at their annual 
meeting in Toronto, called for tougher 
treatment by courts of student drug 
pushers. They told of widespread drug 
use and trafficking in high schools and 
said many teachers refuse to blow the 
whistle on the teen-age junkies because 
they're afraid of having their tires 
slashed and their lives threatened. 



stable and stops change* from occur- 
ring too rapidly. 

The system Isn't working well right 
now, though. I suggest it's because the 
adult community nas become weak In 
playing its important pert. 



We haven't been keeping our kids in 
line. We haven't been giving them defi- 
nite behavior limits. We haven't been 
cracking down hard on violent behavior, 
on drag use and on cruy driving that 
threatens the lives of the kids and other 



I know that through the ages, older 
generations have always believed that 
kids were going to hell in a handcart. 



One of the natural functions of kids Is to 
test their elders and challenge existing 
beliefs, values and laws. That's good. It 
keeps humanity from stagnating. 

But adults have an Important func- 
tion, too. Their function is to control the 
kids, to keep them in line and stop them 
from going too far in experimentation, 
defiance of laws and moral values. This 
is good. It keeps society resonably 



Instead, on television, in movies and 
in punk rock music, all of which are 
created by adulta for profit, we've been 
tacitly encouraging the worst and most 
dangerous kinds of behavior. Judy La 
Marsh pointed this out explicitly in her 
report on violence in the media and she 
was absolutely right. Nothing has been 
done about it. 

Something will happen, though. I'm 
willing to guess what It will be. 

If we continue to let our kids run wild, 
eventually there will be a very strong 
reaction against them by society In 
general. We'll see demands for harsh 
Taws and harsh punishments. Schools 
will be forced to very stiff discipline. 
Reform schools will be re-estahflsbed 
and a tot of kids will become pariahs, 
hated and shunned by society. 

To avoid this, parents, schools and 
society need to re-establish control of 
teen-agers now, with reasonable but 
firm discipline. The eventual price of no 
discipline nearly always turns out to be 
cmefand 



Lee Leu)is{u)hom I met la&t fall whilst on a City Of 
Memphis Official EluisSi<?hts«rinq"Toor;™fc> 



„ll bNlSbI<?hT««nqTour,. 

pio.-fta (sThe Killer speaKin &mtvt cadcfcn : 
'raw! to my i 



Iota-distance drawl to my drew, wqe 
ear? "Jost tell we on£tnim^4n";ne fie 



% 



;>ure you aia, jerry Leei ~ i/cmt 
While all 1km others, was sfrwM 

-fauQhftViem afri^inqertwo.HELi, I fagted 



ancUand..., VSbit! I out-lbfe, 

>msh fek5,didtftl? I sure a* hell 
all atw 



damn fcrH 



Didrvv » And ,of cfc^hatcoolf) I do except' 




^mily.and^sow^m^Pcppite Himself! X 
proceeded It) assure The Ki Heh-ttiat Yes. Vewn^ 

The Genuine Articles a 100% .LTfe-Ur^ Tn*£- 
ftlue Rock'n 7 Roller HiitouqW And Throogt,. He re- 
sponded! ' { Ok%mnft\tXmw(imw is".... 
and T kriftvu Mat was amm,%o uns fetter? 
Meor x E"?"U>Wri whatarodrawfoTftlS? 
Imumbled sotwthiWQ about notwtift) meprv 

-the spot c6z ; Gosyt% being Neil ScAm frirHi- 




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i$m?wmmm$ 







The other night 
I slapped my 
copy of Paul 
Revere And The 
Raiders Featuring Mark Lindsay's HARD'N'HEAVY 
(WITH MARSHMALLOW) album onto the trusty PIG 
Player (could that be THE Screamin' Steve from 
"Rock'n'Roll High School" gurkin' it up between 
cuts?). As with most every non-compilation Paul 
Revere LP, I find it practically impossible to 
sit comfortably through an entire side without 
having to leap up to skip certain foul filler 
tracks (Thank God, or should I say Pioneer, for 
cueing devices!). Now, I consider myself one of 
the universe's uppermost PR&TRFML boosters, but 
back in the Golden Age Of Bubblegum bands were 
forced to not only tour eleven months per year, 
but spew forth a minimum of three albums (and a 
half-dozen singles) annually. Even The Ramones 
couldn't do that! So it's inevitable that lots 
of dreck got pressed onto albums back in the 
goodie days (yet Yesteryear's Dreck beats 
Today's Best hands down). So whilst spinning 
such LPs, I amuse myself by taking group disco- 
graphy, pen, and pad in hand and playing Record 
Company Re-Issue Exec. 

Say I came into possession of ALL the Raiders 
master tapes tomorrow. What would I do (besides 
shitting my undies in ecstasy)? Why, I'd com- 
pile The Ultimate 2-LP Compendium of Uncle 
Paul's band, which I'd package lavishly, illus- 
trate profusely, and cleverly title (wa it fo r 
it!) THE RAIDERS DIGEST ._ 

Side One , 
would kick 
off with 
the group's 
theme song 
"The Legend 
Of Paul 
Revere" (a 

trend-settingL 
pre-Byrds/etc. slice of country-rock), followed 
by a smattering of nuggets from the archives 
(1961 's "Like Long Hair": one of an un-ending 
series by the way, their provocative DC5-ish 
dance craze "Rinky Dink", the in-concert frenzy 
of "You Can't Sit Down" from their first Colum- 
bia (Bruce Johnston-produced) LP, and their 
original (DEFINITIVE!) versions of "I'm Not Your 
Steppin' Stone", "Louie Louie", and (YES!) 
"Louie Go Home"). Toss in their waxing of 
"Where The Action Is" from their (well actually 
Dick Clark's) TV dance orgy show of the same 
name for good measure, then it's Off to Side 
Two, wherein the bulk of their Raidermania 
chart-toppers would be assembled, Together For 
The First Time! "Just Like Me", "Kicks" (no 
relation) , "Hungry", "The Great Airplane Strike" 
(no wonder these cats were often labelled The 
American Stones !), "Good Thing'V'Ups And Downs", 
"I Had A Dream", "Too Much Talk", and the band's 
crowning achievemenent "Him Or Me - What's It 
Gonna Be", which makes cole slaw out of The 
Flaming Groovies' lame covert version. Side 
Three could be sub-titled PAUL REVERE AND THE 
RAIDERS GREATEST HITS AND MISSES, or HOW TO 
STAY IN THE TOP TEN DURING THE DECREPIT LATE- 
SIXTIES: "Do Unto Others" ("Louie Louie" meets 
The Woodstock Generation), "Don't Take It So 
Hard", "Peace Of Mind", "Cinderella Sunshine" (a 
drug song?), "Mr. Sun Mr. Moon" (a candy-coated 
joy!), "Let Me", "Just Seventeen" (heavy-metal 
Mark), and the strangely prophetic "Gone Movin' 
On". Side Four would begin with the band's 
final (and Biggest) (And DUMBEST) smasheroo 
"Indian Reservation", then offer several year's 





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i$m?wmmm$ 







The other night 
I slapped my 
copy of Paul 
Revere And The 
Raiders Featuring Mark Lindsay's HARD'N'HEAVY 
(WITH MARSHMALLOW) album onto the trusty PIG 
Player (could that be THE Screamin' Steve from 
"Rock'n'Roll High School" gurkin' it up between 
cuts?). As with most every non-compilation Paul 
Revere LP, I find it practically impossible to 
sit comfortably through an entire side without 
having to leap up to skip certain foul filler 
tracks (Thank God, or should I say Pioneer, for 
cueing devices!). Now, I consider myself one of 
the universe's uppermost PR&TRFML boosters, but 
back in the Golden Age Of Bubblegum bands were 
forced to not only tour eleven months per year, 
but spew forth a minimum of three albums (and a 
half-dozen singles) annually. Even The Ramones 
couldn't do that! So it's inevitable that lots 
of dreck got pressed onto albums back in the 
goodie days (yet Yesteryear's Dreck beats 
Today's Best hands down). So whilst spinning 
such LPs, I amuse myself by taking group disco- 
graphy, pen, and pad in hand and playing Record 
Company Re-Issue Exec. 

Say I came into possession of ALL the Raiders 
master tapes tomorrow. What would I do (besides 
shitting my undies in ecstasy)? Why, I'd com- 
pile The Ultimate 2-LP Compendium of Uncle 
Paul's band, which I'd package lavishly, illus- 
trate profusely, and cleverly title (wa it fo r 
it!) THE RAIDERS DIGEST ._ 

Side One , 
would kick 
off with 
the group's 
theme song 
"The Legend 
Of Paul 
Revere" (a 

trend-settingL 
pre-Byrds/etc. slice of country-rock), followed 
by a smattering of nuggets from the archives 
(1961 's "Like Long Hair": one of an un-ending 
series by the way, their provocative DC5-ish 
dance craze "Rinky Dink", the in-concert frenzy 
of "You Can't Sit Down" from their first Colum- 
bia (Bruce Johnston-produced) LP, and their 
original (DEFINITIVE!) versions of "I'm Not Your 
Steppin' Stone", "Louie Louie", and (YES!) 
"Louie Go Home"). Toss in their waxing of 
"Where The Action Is" from their (well actually 
Dick Clark's) TV dance orgy show of the same 
name for good measure, then it's Off to Side 
Two, wherein the bulk of their Raidermania 
chart-toppers would be assembled, Together For 
The First Time! "Just Like Me", "Kicks" (no 
relation) , "Hungry", "The Great Airplane Strike" 
(no wonder these cats were often labelled The 
American Stones !), "Good Thing'V'Ups And Downs", 
"I Had A Dream", "Too Much Talk", and the band's 
crowning achievemenent "Him Or Me - What's It 
Gonna Be", which makes cole slaw out of The 
Flaming Groovies' lame covert version. Side 
Three could be sub-titled PAUL REVERE AND THE 
RAIDERS GREATEST HITS AND MISSES, or HOW TO 
STAY IN THE TOP TEN DURING THE DECREPIT LATE- 
SIXTIES: "Do Unto Others" ("Louie Louie" meets 
The Woodstock Generation), "Don't Take It So 
Hard", "Peace Of Mind", "Cinderella Sunshine" (a 
drug song?), "Mr. Sun Mr. Moon" (a candy-coated 
joy!), "Let Me", "Just Seventeen" (heavy-metal 
Mark), and the strangely prophetic "Gone Movin' 
On". Side Four would begin with the band's 
final (and Biggest) (And DUMBEST) smasheroo 
"Indian Reservation", then offer several year's 




: worth of blatantly ignored follow-up attempts 
! ("Birds Of A Feather", "Country Wine" and 
i "Hungry For Some Lovin" from their last 
; sizzling long-player, "Song Seller", "Love 
! Music", and Booby Dylan's "If I Had It To Do 
;A11 Over Again I'd Do It All Over You"). Re- 
! gretably, THE RAIDERS DIGEST comes to an un- 
; timely end, as did the group itself, with a 
i last gasp from the middle-of-the-road: 1976's 
Idiscofied (WHOOPS!) "Ain't Nothin' Wrong". 
Reprise "The Legend Of PR" so as not to leave 
too rancid a taste in your ears, and there 
: you have it. Thirty-four wonders from fifteen 
big years of Paul Revere And The Raiders! 

Well, until K-Tel picks up on my uncanny 
repackaging knack, scour the delete zone for 
copies of Columbia's own noble double-disc 'd 
Raiders retrospective: ALL-TIME GREATEST HITS 
(# KG-31464), and don't neglect to scarf up 
Anyone of the many other Paul Revere platters 
(provided your turntable's equipped with a 
cueing device! ). 

Meanwhile, a word of warning to all you 
jockeys of discs out there: 
AND ALL YOU STA-yee-ATIONS 
ACROSS THE NA-yee-ATION 
PLEASE PLAY THEIR RECORDS FOR YOUR 
CONGREGA-yee-ATION 




These days, Drugs, like jeans 
beer, and television, are a part 
of everybody's everyday life. No 



^Marvin "Phil Nobucks" Goodaman (pic- 
= tured above, disguised as ex-Tex 

— Mex'er Bobby Fuller), dyslexic lead ; 

^screamer of the mockabilly scent- jj 

^sations Martin And The E-Chords, was ^ 

z=;sweatin' it in the PIG Studios, ; 

— trying to get "Dim Dim The Lights" ; 
= on tape for the Chords' debut PIG > 
^z Records EP. Between takes, he agreed * 

to pause for a BLINDATE: 

EE BARRON KNIGHTS "THE BIG V-ASECTOMY" ; 

=^(Epic): Blues disco reggae. Sounds ; 

ml ike Buck Owens; like a contemporary J 

"Western single, only done in '62, ; 

longer Isdope soieljTthe crutch ^without nice horns and girls going ; 
of the housewife, athlete, or = "ooo-wah, ooo-wah". 

businessman: Dope is for kids of = (BATTERED)WIVES "PASS OUT" (Bomb/ j 

all ages! — Epic): This'd be a good song to do ; 

It's kinda hard to fathom that ^ in a barj Joe strummer. Lots of ; 

back in the summer of '66, when — mum bling. Is it Ian Hunter? ! 

Capitol Records released a rock- — „ , . . ; 

umentary LP entitled (ten oinks = CHINAS COMIDAS "SNAPS" (Exquisite , 

for subtlety) "LSD", drugs were = Corpse): This is boring A copy of , 

^Talking Heads copying Blondie. Two . 

^chords is rotten - you need at 

— least three. Turn it off. It 

— stinks! "Dull as ditchwater", as ! 
:==Jack Good would say. ', 
~GAS "EVACUATE" (PWKR): An up-dated \ 
— "Jesus Christ Superstar"? Clint 
zE Eastwood? No melody. Just one organ 
^bit and some girls can't save this. 
zz:Take it off. 



almost exclusively the 'property 
of entertainers and artists 
(what?). Little did anyone rea- 
lize that within a year of "LSD" 
's release, dope of all sorts 
would, for the first time since 
the highgone era of Swing, waft 
across that invisible line from 
stage to audience; from Star to 
Spectator. Were the folks at 
Capitol visionary wizards , or 
merely desperate for product in 
lieu of PET SOUNDS and REVOLVER? 
Probably only Nick Venet knows 
for sure. Nonetheless, the "LSD" 
LP is today, a decade-and-a-hal f 
later, still a thrill to (pardon 
the youthuism) Experience, even 
for those few of you out there 
who are sometimes straight. 

Just dig this platter's with- 
it liner notes: "The fully di- 
mensional stereophonic disc you 
are now holding is an aural re- 
port on the controversial psych- 
edelic drugs. Scholarly pros and 
cons! Addict comments! Way-out 
music!". And that's no highpe 
either. This is probably the 
first recording that fully ex- 
ploited (pioneered?) such now^ 



— HATES "NO TALK IN THE EIGHTIES" 
t^ (Faceless) : I don't 1 ike the sing- 
ling. The song started off okay but 
zz;it didn't develop. Even rock'n'roll 
zz; songs have to have a Little bit of 
^structure! 

==: HUGE HART "CATS IN HEAT" (Modern): 
r^You can hear what they're saying - I 
^ don't believe it! Deep Purple. The 
^5 sax sounds like a "Saturday Night 
ZNjLive" fill-in band. Roxy Music try- 
5))ing to do a bit of rockabilly? 

r^ JANIS AND THE BUMBLE BEES "BIG TALK" 
^(RipJack): This is the best one so 
_-^far! Good words. Good singing (it's 
r5a girl: I'm guessing). Tight. Fun! 
g NICK LOWE "BASING STREET" (Columbia): 
E£ Shitty, Sounds like an Alice Cooper 



— "Hey, we gotta put a ballad on the 
common electronic fi nger-painting == albun y> song . Some kid got a guitar 
as speaker-to-speaker stereo =: for Christmas and thinks he's Bob 
sound panning (whips Zappa, == Dylan: "Chips'n'TV, the cops are 
Hendrix, and Pink whatchamacal 1 Er beating me. . ." 

it!) and, in order to "electron- — 

ically alter to conceal the = SEALS AND CLUBS "ATOMS ON THE LOOSE" 

— (Old Wave): Sounds like a concept 
= King Crimson/Zappa; an over- 



identities" of the scholars and 
addicts, a heavy heavy dose of 
phasing, fizzling, compressing 
'n'composting and all'round 

audio gigglery (tops The Firesign ^conservation song 
Theatre and even "60 Minutes"!). 
Not to mention liberal useage of 
such relevant period phrases as 
"hippy" ."trip", and "where' s the 
can", all set atop a running 
soundtrack of crazed kooky ca- 
cophonies ("way-out music", re- 
member?) that brings to mind, if 



= indulgent Pink Floyd gone new wave 
=z:with haircuts and a tie. Is this t 

I hate toasters, 
= they make food that kills me" 
= bullshit. 

= SNAKEFINGER "WHAT WILBUR?" (Ralph): 
= What's this? Science fiction spy 

— music? "Let's Be Silly" by The 
EESillies? Synthesizers are nice toys, 

— but they sure ain't rn^sic! I guess 

— someone's parents have a lot of 



you can conjure this up, The Holy = mone y ; otherwise, how would crap like 
Modal Rounders Meet Sergio Mendes r=this get pressed? They would've been 
And The Hollyridge Strings. To abetter off recording "The Munsters" 
nutshell, An Entertaining, In- ^jtheme. 
formative, and Trend-Setting 
little record that I wager many a 

band, from The Blues Magoos to Lothar And The Hand People, wore out and 
duly absorbed. 

In these bland times, you need not be a connoisseur of dope to fully 
appreciate "LSD": The Album. Rather, true "fans" of Drugs, circa "Riot 
On Sunset Strip" and "Psych-Out", would gain the most from this LP in 
the Empty Eighties. As I myself discovered way back when, during 
neighbourhood High school pot parties (remember those? Sitting on the 

floor watching colour TV static with AQUALUNG on the cassette deck ) 

as I fed dog-food sandwiches to my zonged-out peers: 

Being On Drugs Isn't Half As Fun Or Enlightening As Simply Observing 
Those Who Are 



1 




Printing House Square, London, E.C.4. Telephone: 01-236 2000 



WHO BREAKS A BUTTERFLY ON A WHEEL? 



Mk. Jagger has been sentenced tu im- 
prisonment for three months. He is 
appealing against conviction and sen- 
tence, and has been granted bail until the 
hearing of the appeal later in the year. 



They were separate cases, and no evi- 
dence was produced to suggest that he 
knew that Mr. Fraser had heroin tablets 
or that the vanishing Mr. Sneidermann 
had cannabis resin. It is indeed no 
offence to be in the same building or 
the same company as people possessing 
or even using drugs, nor could it reason- 
ably be made an otfej^^The drugs 

, JAOOEI 



that Judge Block should have decided ; 
to sentence Mr. Jaoger to imprison- 
ment, and particularly surprising as Mr. ! 
Jaoger's is about as mild a drug c 
as can ever have been brought before 
the Courts. 

ft would be wrong to speculate on the 
judge's reasons, which we do not know. 
It is, however, possible to consider the j 
'rhere^trnany peoi 



: worth of blatantly ignored follow-up attempts 
! ("Birds Of A Feather", "Country Wine" and 
i "Hungry For Some Lovin" from their last 
; sizzling long-player, "Song Seller", "Love 
! Music", and Booby Dylan's "If I Had It To Do 
;A11 Over Again I'd Do It All Over You"). Re- 
! gretably, THE RAIDERS DIGEST comes to an un- 
; timely end, as did the group itself, with a 
i last gasp from the middle-of-the-road: 1976's 
Idiscofied (WHOOPS!) "Ain't Nothin' Wrong". 
Reprise "The Legend Of PR" so as not to leave 
too rancid a taste in your ears, and there 
: you have it. Thirty-four wonders from fifteen 
big years of Paul Revere And The Raiders! 

Well, until K-Tel picks up on my uncanny 
repackaging knack, scour the delete zone for 
copies of Columbia's own noble double-disc 'd 
Raiders retrospective: ALL-TIME GREATEST HITS 
(# KG-31464), and don't neglect to scarf up 
Anyone of the many other Paul Revere platters 
(provided your turntable's equipped with a 
cueing device! ). 

Meanwhile, a word of warning to all you 
jockeys of discs out there: 
AND ALL YOU STA-yee-ATIONS 
ACROSS THE NA-yee-ATION 
PLEASE PLAY THEIR RECORDS FOR YOUR 
CONGREGA-yee-ATION 




These days, Drugs, like jeans 
beer, and television, are a part 
of everybody's everyday life. No 



^Marvin "Phil Nobucks" Goodaman (pic- 
= tured above, disguised as ex-Tex 

— Mex'er Bobby Fuller), dyslexic lead ; 

^screamer of the mockabilly scent- jj 

^sations Martin And The E-Chords, was ^ 

z=;sweatin' it in the PIG Studios, ; 

— trying to get "Dim Dim The Lights" ; 
= on tape for the Chords' debut PIG > 
^z Records EP. Between takes, he agreed * 

to pause for a BLINDATE: 

EE BARRON KNIGHTS "THE BIG V-ASECTOMY" ; 

=^(Epic): Blues disco reggae. Sounds ; 

ml ike Buck Owens; like a contemporary J 

"Western single, only done in '62, ; 

longer Isdope soieljTthe crutch ^without nice horns and girls going ; 
of the housewife, athlete, or = "ooo-wah, ooo-wah". 

businessman: Dope is for kids of = (BATTERED)WIVES "PASS OUT" (Bomb/ j 

all ages! — Epic): This'd be a good song to do ; 

It's kinda hard to fathom that ^ in a barj Joe strummer. Lots of ; 

back in the summer of '66, when — mum bling. Is it Ian Hunter? ! 

Capitol Records released a rock- — „ , . . ; 

umentary LP entitled (ten oinks = CHINAS COMIDAS "SNAPS" (Exquisite , 

for subtlety) "LSD", drugs were = Corpse): This is boring A copy of , 

^Talking Heads copying Blondie. Two . 

^chords is rotten - you need at 

— least three. Turn it off. It 

— stinks! "Dull as ditchwater", as ! 
:==Jack Good would say. ', 
~GAS "EVACUATE" (PWKR): An up-dated \ 
— "Jesus Christ Superstar"? Clint 
zE Eastwood? No melody. Just one organ 
^bit and some girls can't save this. 
zz:Take it off. 



almost exclusively the 'property 
of entertainers and artists 
(what?). Little did anyone rea- 
lize that within a year of "LSD" 
's release, dope of all sorts 
would, for the first time since 
the highgone era of Swing, waft 
across that invisible line from 
stage to audience; from Star to 
Spectator. Were the folks at 
Capitol visionary wizards , or 
merely desperate for product in 
lieu of PET SOUNDS and REVOLVER? 
Probably only Nick Venet knows 
for sure. Nonetheless, the "LSD" 
LP is today, a decade-and-a-hal f 
later, still a thrill to (pardon 
the youthuism) Experience, even 
for those few of you out there 
who are sometimes straight. 

Just dig this platter's with- 
it liner notes: "The fully di- 
mensional stereophonic disc you 
are now holding is an aural re- 
port on the controversial psych- 
edelic drugs. Scholarly pros and 
cons! Addict comments! Way-out 
music!". And that's no highpe 
either. This is probably the 
first recording that fully ex- 
ploited (pioneered?) such now^ 



— HATES "NO TALK IN THE EIGHTIES" 
t^ (Faceless) : I don't 1 ike the sing- 
ling. The song started off okay but 
zz;it didn't develop. Even rock'n'roll 
zz; songs have to have a Little bit of 
^structure! 

==: HUGE HART "CATS IN HEAT" (Modern): 
r^You can hear what they're saying - I 
^ don't believe it! Deep Purple. The 
^5 sax sounds like a "Saturday Night 
ZNjLive" fill-in band. Roxy Music try- 
5))ing to do a bit of rockabilly? 

r^ JANIS AND THE BUMBLE BEES "BIG TALK" 
^(RipJack): This is the best one so 
_-^far! Good words. Good singing (it's 
r5a girl: I'm guessing). Tight. Fun! 
g NICK LOWE "BASING STREET" (Columbia): 
E£ Shitty, Sounds like an Alice Cooper 



— "Hey, we gotta put a ballad on the 
common electronic fi nger-painting == albun y> song . Some kid got a guitar 
as speaker-to-speaker stereo =: for Christmas and thinks he's Bob 
sound panning (whips Zappa, == Dylan: "Chips'n'TV, the cops are 
Hendrix, and Pink whatchamacal 1 Er beating me. . ." 

it!) and, in order to "electron- — 

ically alter to conceal the = SEALS AND CLUBS "ATOMS ON THE LOOSE" 

— (Old Wave): Sounds like a concept 
= King Crimson/Zappa; an over- 



identities" of the scholars and 
addicts, a heavy heavy dose of 
phasing, fizzling, compressing 
'n'composting and all'round 

audio gigglery (tops The Firesign ^conservation song 
Theatre and even "60 Minutes"!). 
Not to mention liberal useage of 
such relevant period phrases as 
"hippy" ."trip", and "where' s the 
can", all set atop a running 
soundtrack of crazed kooky ca- 
cophonies ("way-out music", re- 
member?) that brings to mind, if 



= indulgent Pink Floyd gone new wave 
=z:with haircuts and a tie. Is this t 

I hate toasters, 
= they make food that kills me" 
= bullshit. 

= SNAKEFINGER "WHAT WILBUR?" (Ralph): 
= What's this? Science fiction spy 

— music? "Let's Be Silly" by The 
EESillies? Synthesizers are nice toys, 

— but they sure ain't rn^sic! I guess 

— someone's parents have a lot of 



you can conjure this up, The Holy = mone y ; otherwise, how would crap like 
Modal Rounders Meet Sergio Mendes r=this get pressed? They would've been 
And The Hollyridge Strings. To abetter off recording "The Munsters" 
nutshell, An Entertaining, In- ^jtheme. 
formative, and Trend-Setting 
little record that I wager many a 

band, from The Blues Magoos to Lothar And The Hand People, wore out and 
duly absorbed. 

In these bland times, you need not be a connoisseur of dope to fully 
appreciate "LSD": The Album. Rather, true "fans" of Drugs, circa "Riot 
On Sunset Strip" and "Psych-Out", would gain the most from this LP in 
the Empty Eighties. As I myself discovered way back when, during 
neighbourhood High school pot parties (remember those? Sitting on the 

floor watching colour TV static with AQUALUNG on the cassette deck ) 

as I fed dog-food sandwiches to my zonged-out peers: 

Being On Drugs Isn't Half As Fun Or Enlightening As Simply Observing 
Those Who Are 



1 




Printing House Square, London, E.C.4. Telephone: 01-236 2000 



WHO BREAKS A BUTTERFLY ON A WHEEL? 



Mk. Jagger has been sentenced tu im- 
prisonment for three months. He is 
appealing against conviction and sen- 
tence, and has been granted bail until the 
hearing of the appeal later in the year. 



They were separate cases, and no evi- 
dence was produced to suggest that he 
knew that Mr. Fraser had heroin tablets 
or that the vanishing Mr. Sneidermann 
had cannabis resin. It is indeed no 
offence to be in the same building or 
the same company as people possessing 
or even using drugs, nor could it reason- 
ably be made an otfej^^The drugs 

, JAOOEI 



that Judge Block should have decided ; 
to sentence Mr. Jaoger to imprison- 
ment, and particularly surprising as Mr. ! 
Jaoger's is about as mild a drug c 
as can ever have been brought before 
the Courts. 

ft would be wrong to speculate on the 
judge's reasons, which we do not know. 
It is, however, possible to consider the j 
'rhere^trnany peoi 





ti e t& fef-^l & rf » >>2. a. 00 



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MSS 8 









so 
r» ** -° *- - 



> j=Q. — Cin you please teU me where I cm 
P write to former Beatle John Lemon? 

CM.Gudph 

A< _ _ you might try skywriting like he did 
WHAT HAPPENED IN 1948 ?J " 

I '£ ^JESUS TOLD US THAT WHEN* 
, a ^ WE SAW THE BUDDING OF 

& % - THE'FIG TREE —(ISRAEL 

g 3 ^ BECOMES A NATION)-THAT 
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+-» © 

£ ° 

a. a; 

w 5 



@£ 



••> 



MSS 8 









so 
r» ** -° *- - 



> j=Q. — Cin you please teU me where I cm 
P write to former Beatle John Lemon? 

CM.Gudph 

A< _ _ you might try skywriting like he did 
WHAT HAPPENED IN 1948 ?J " 

I '£ ^JESUS TOLD US THAT WHEN* 
, a ^ WE SAW THE BUDDING OF 

& % - THE'FIG TREE —(ISRAEL 

g 3 ^ BECOMES A NATION)-THAT 
J '« "S WOULD USHER IN THE LAST 

°^ * GENERATION — WHICH IS 
-a y 




«^§3&3* 



for '•'«-- re ieas«" ts a cru=>- rde <! >>«■« >>i. 

• «W" b n °n° v album B»JJ ti ,1r. a ^"^V § 8 *•-■= 
• The °V y uaS deleted vn ^ eS i" <** 2.3= £.3 
. Record was &or dy ;o. v wj . u « -- 



? 



ort "^«,*^>?2^;iS.f»rft.i^ si- 



•a 
^u« v^orst a»y The =>a" nrfc £« $13 









erve »• Sg>--3 
cover . f **£ g $ 









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j to w o u o a fe „, 
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